


I have mixed drinks about feelings

by AngerProbFemme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Dean Being an Idiot, Drinking Games, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Handcuffs, Hangover, Happy Castiel, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Meddling Sam, New Year's Eve, New Years, Pool & Billiards, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rimming, Self-Worth Issues, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Tension, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Truth Serum, Truth or Dare, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:30:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9145099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngerProbFemme/pseuds/AngerProbFemme
Summary: Sam is fed up with watching Dean and Cas dance around each other.  He uses Deans New Years Eve party plans to end their annoying dance once and for all.





	1. Chapter 1

The room wouldn’t stop spinning despite his closed eyes and the pounding in his head was an unbearable, nagging presence.  Dean groaned as he pulled his pillow over his head trying to hide from the hangover.  The use of his throat made him cough and It felt like his mouth was full of cotton.  He tried to move his tongue around and swallow but his tongue felt swollen and his throat was scratchy.  He desperately wanted some water but he just didn’t want to move.  He was sore.  Not the kind of sore from sleeping in a contorted way, but from physical exertion.  Which was strange because he hadn’t been on any hunts recently and he sure as hell wasn’t about to exercise with Sam.  Muscles he didn’t realize he had were sore.  _What the hell…_

He cracked the eye that wasn’t buried in the mattress open and looked around the room.  The room was blurry and dark.  Thank God for the dark.  He needed water and needed to pee.  He begrudgingly tossed the pillow aside and slowly sat up, his muscles protesting every inch of movement.  His legs fell heavy off the bed and his feet hit the cold tile.  As soon as his head became vertical his stomach wanted to follow suit.  Dean slapped a hand over his mouth and despite his aching body, made a full sprint down the hallway of the bunker to the bathroom.  He slammed the door shut and his knees buckled in front of the toilet.

 

                                ----------------------------12 hours Earlier--------------------------------

Dean’s foot tapped at the floor of the library impatiently.  Sam looked up from the book he was reading. 

“Dude…”

Dean chose to ignore him and continued the tapping, now adding a bouncing knee to the mix.

“Dean…”

Again, ignoring his brother he beat the pencil he was holding against the open book in front of him.

“Dean!”  Sam yelled accompanied by the slamming of the oversized reference book he was studying before his brothers annoying ticks distracted him.

Dean jumped about 10 feet and whipped himself and the wooden chair he was occupying in Sam’s direction. 

“What!?”  Dean yelled.  He didn’t like being surprised and he was lost in a daydream when Sam shouted. 

“What is your deal?  Stop fidgeting, or go to another room.  I’m trying to do some research before your idea of a ‘relaxing New Year’s get together’ happens.”  Sam used air quotes and a heavy tone of sarcasm permeated the air with his comment.

Dean pushed the books, papers and pencils away from him.  Wood screeched against wood as he slid the chair away from the table and stood up and walked over to Sam’s side of the table.  Dean grabbed the arms of his brother’s chair and pushed him away from the table as well.  With enough room to work, Dean started piling up Sam’s research materials.  Sam just watched with his arms crossed as Dean put the books back on the shelves and the pens and papers in whatever drawer Dean found room for them in.  When the table was clear, Dean disappeared into the kitchen.  Sam was starting to wonder if Dean’s temper tantrum was going to have a follow up when Dean reemerged with two bottles of beer.  Dean loudly set the beers on the table.  He grabbed the back of Sam’s chair and pushed him back into the original position.  Sam just sat back and silently tracked Deans movement.  Each act of Deans was over exaggerated, as it usually was when he was irritated.  With the beers left on the table Dean sauntered to the other side of the table to grab his chair.  One handed, he dragged the chair to place it next to Sam’s, not caring how much noise or damage to the floor he made. 

Satisfied, Dean plopped into his seat and grabbed one beer.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle opener.  He tore the little metal cap off the glass bottle and threw it across the room, keeping eye contact with Sam the whole time.  He did the same for the other bottle and pushed it toward Sam as he took a swig from his own.

Sam just ignored it and glared at his brother.

“Dean, we can’t…”

Dean held up his hand, effectively cutting off his brother.

“Yes, we can, for ONE fucking night, we can just ignore our job and watch this year die in a beautiful drunken haze.”

Sam just sighed heavily and fingered the water droplets dripping down the bottle sitting on the table next to him.

“Please dude.  It is already 7 and Cas will be back soon anyway.”  Dean waited for a response that never came.  “Come on it will be worth it just to watch Cas get drunk.”  Dean laughed and nudged Sam’s shin with his boot clad foot.

Deans begging seemed to have the desired effect on his brother.  Sam started to smile before taking a long drink from the beer he was trying so hard to ignore.  However, that wasn’t just any smile.  That was Sam’s ‘I know something you don’t know’ smile. 

“Fine Dean.”

“Yes!  This will be great S— “

“There is a condition.”  Sam interrupted

And there it is.  Dean knew that damn smile meant something.  Dean had been excited about his brothers change of heart about his party plans, but those words just took all the wind out of his sails.  He slumped back in his seat.

“What condition?” Dean asked slowly

“It is really simple.  It is more of a request really.  All I want, is that if I want to play a drinking game you can’t say no.”

There had to be more than that.  It seemed too innocent.  knowing Sam and their past prank wars, nothing stayed innocent when there was a “condition”.  For the life of him though, he couldn’t think of any damage Sam could inflict tonight, other than his silly pranks.  It was just him, Sam and Cas.  He could handle that.

“Fine, you’re on.  I don’t see why I would say no to a drinking game anyway.  I am the king of drinking games.  Pft, we just put in that pool table.  I’ll kick your ass in that at least.”

Sam’s smirk stayed glued to his face while they both finished their beers. 

“Now that is settled we just wait for Cas.”  Dean stood up and stretched “Where the hell is he anyway?  He has been gone for over an hour?” 

As if Dean’s question was a summoning spell, a rustle of feathers sounded behind Dean.  He spun around and a grin broke across his face. 

“Speak of the devil!”  Dean said and laid a hand on the Angels shoulder.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel said as he regarded the hand still resting on his shoulder.  Behind Dean, Sam cleared his throat and he ripped his hand away as if the shoulder had turned into hot embers.

“Sorry…Just excited to get this party started.”  Dean mumbled, raking his hand through his hair

“Dean, why did you call me the devil?” Castiel asked.  “He has been in the cage for some time.”

Sam chuckled from his chair and Dean just sighed.  “It is just a phrase buddy, nothing bad.”

“I see…”

An awkward silence followed Deans lack of an explanation.  _Awesome start to the new year…_ Dean thought.

“So!” Dean clapped his hands together in an attempt to fill the quite of the library.  He regarded the large number of bags Castiel was holding.  He sometimes forgot how strong Cas was.  Those bags would have ripped bloody stripes into his hands if he could even manage to hold that many.  “Holy shit Cas!  How much liquor do you think we can drink without our livers failing?”

“I procured the specifics you for.  The remainder is for me.”

Dean just gaped at the angel. 

As if sensing his confusion Cas continued.  “You insisted I join you and Sam in the arbitrary celebration of the transfer of years per the Gregorian calendar.  I am able to become intoxicated, but I am not human and it requires…more effort.”

All Dean could do was laugh.  In between breaths he managed to wheeze out a sentence.  “Cas…it’s new year’s!  It is about reflecting on the past and moving onto a better future!  It isn’t…arbitrary.  Especially for us!  It doesn’t hurt that this particular celebration usually involves booze.” 

Dean shook his head in amusement and grabbed a few bags out of Castiel’s hand.  Sam followed Deans example and the trio made their way into the kitchen.  Dean really thought Cas would be more excited about spending time with him, especially at a party.  The only time he seemed to spend with Cas was when the bad shit went down.  He had such a great time with Cas at the ‘den of iniquity’, as the angel put it.  Dean had felt weird sending him back with that girl, but he was sure that is what Cas would have wanted.  It blew up in their faces and but he still swears that is the hardest he has ever laughed.  He wanted to be able to laugh more, relax more, talk more…with Cas.  He could want all he wanted, it would never happen.  He shrugged the thoughts away.  This was supposed to be a party damnit!

The three lay their bags on the floor and started unpacking handle after handle of assorted hard liquors.  All Dean had asked for was a 12 pack and a bottle of whiskey for him and Sam.  This amount of alcohol could put an entire professional football team in the hospital for a month.

“Cas man, are you sure this is ok?”

Just as Dean asked his question, Castiel had unscrewed the top of a handle of Captain and started to down it.  He and Sam just stared as the liquid disappeared.  Dean stared at the angel’s throat while it bobbed with each chug of the rum.  Castiels eyes were closed in concentration and Dean couldn’t help but want to trade that bottle with a part of his body.  Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he willed the rising heat back down.  He glanced at Sam and saw that his brother was not staring at Cas, but at him.   Dean cleared his throat and tried look anywhere but at Cas.  Sam was grinning again and at the same time Dean was starting to fantasize about punching the grin off Sam’s face.  It is apparently ‘let’s be amused at Deans embarrassment’ night.

Cas finished the bottle and threw it in the trash as he unscrewed another.  “Yes Dean, it is fine.  I need to consume at least 4 of these to equal about two of your beers.  I assume the celebration has officially started?”  Cas proceeded to down yet another handle.

“Well shit, with that kick off, yes you assume correctly.” 

Dean and Sam grabbed two cans of beer and popped the tabs.  They waited until Castiel was unscrewing bottle number three before initiating a toast.

 

“Here is to a new year and new beginnings!”  Shouted Dean.

“Cheers!”  Replied Sam raising his beer next to his brothers.

Castiel just looked from the beers, then back to the hunters.  After a few more repeating glances Castiel slowly raised his full glass handle to the beers.  “Cheers?” he said tentatively.

“Alright!” the brothers exclaimed, smacked the cans together, and threw their beers back.  Castiel copied them a second later.

 

            ------------------------------------------present------------------------------------------------

 

Over and over Dean emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain until he was just dry heaving.  He groaned and cursed himself.  _Why did I think drinking was a good idea?  I’m too old for this shit._ Just when he thought it was over and he raised his head, a new wave of nausea hit him. 

He decided the best course of action, no matter how fucking gross, was to just lay his head on the seat.  The cool solidity felt good on his forehead and cheek.  The nausea subsided if he just stayed like this.  His knees however, were not happy.  Dean shifted his weight onto his left hip as he positioned himself to sit on the bathroom floor.  During this change in position Dean noticed a few things all at once. The floor was cold against his bare skin.  However, the icy tile great on his sore ass.  He had to hold onto the bowl so he didn’t fall over, considering his equilibrium was shot to hell.  Once he was situated there was an audible clink against the toilet when he put his arms under his head. 

_Wait a minute…._

Dean looked down out of his peripheral.  Yup, he was naked, that was why the floor was so cold.  He held up his wrist and saw the source of the clinking noise.  A pair of metal handcuffs, one side open, dangled from his wrist. 

_Naked, sore ass, handcuffs…_

“Oh Fuck…” Dean groaned as the world around him went black.


	2. Chapter 2

                          -------------------------------10 hours Earlier-------------------------------------

 

“Ok I fold.  Let’s move on to pool.”  Dean said glaring at Castiel.

“Me too.” Sam sighed.

Castiel put on an uncharacteristically large grin and started to rake the chips toward himself.  It had been 2 hours but it seemed the copious amount of alcohol was starting to do its magic on the Angel. 

“I win!”  Cas squeaked as he threw his arms up in victory.

Dean repressed a laughed, because the usually serious, gravel voiced angel, just squeaked and was smiling like an idiot. 

“Yea, yea, don’t rub it in.”  Dean admonished playfully as he tossed a chip at Castiel.  The angel looked up and met Deans eyes.  His blue eyes were glassy but the smile he wore met them and left crinkles in the corners that Dean rarely saw.  That full smile meant that Cas was happy, and he was part of the reason for that.  Deans heart skipped a beat and fuck butterflies, he had an entire zoo in his stomach.  This side of Cas was so addicting he couldn’t look away.  He wanted to make Cas this happy all the time, but he knew he couldn’t.  Cas deserved better. 

A small piece of plastic sailed across the table and smacked Dean in his head.  Only, it didn’t come from Cas.  Dean whipped his head to his brother and flipped him the bird.

“If you two are done eye fucking, I think more shots are in order before pool.” Sam said slowly with that knowing grin he sported earlier.  Dean was sure that If his brother had attempted to speak any faster, it might not have come out as English.  It seemed that Dean was behind the other two in the drinking department. 

“Hey, bite me!  I was not eye fucking Cas!  I was just amused with his drunken poker skills…” Dean defended himself, throwing a chip hard at Sam.  He missed.  Maybe he wasn’t that far behind after all.

Castiel got up from his chair and made his way to the kitchen.  He stumbled with the step down into the kitchen but caught himself on the door jamb.  Dean and Sam got up to follow but paused as Castiel halted all movement before continuing.  The angel turned to face the brothers and quirked his head to the side.  The hunters waited for Cas to do or say something. 

“What is eye fucking?” Cas asked after a beat.

Sam breathed out a quick laugh and Dean just smacked his forehead as he rolled his eyes.

Ignoring their reactions Castiel continued.  “I know of the word fucking, it is a lewd term for intercourse, but in what way can that correlate to the eye?”

Sam stood up straighter and put on his “Get this…” face.  Still embarrassed from being caught in his thoughts of Cas, Dean was not going to let Sam continue.

Dean let out an over exaggeratedly loud laugh, stopping Sam’s potential explanation.  Both men stared at him.  “Don’t worry about it Cas!  Sam has no idea.  I’m sure he was just going to pull some random bullshit of his ass.  It doesn’t mean anything.” 

Sam just slowly raised his arm and pointed at Dean.  Putting too much effort into sounding sober Sam countered Deans interruption.

“You are such a liar!”  Sam leaned into the closest surface, which in this case was the wall, as he bent over and laughed.  There was clearly a joke Dean was not aware of.  “Don’t try and misdirect Cas’ question!  Just shut up and let me answer the question.”

_Shit…_

“Fine, explain, it is just going to go over his head…”  Dean crossed his arms, feigning anger, when in actuality he was terrified of being found out.  Cas might miss the nuances of everyday sarcasm and casual conversation, but he isn’t stupid and he is naturally curious.  A curious Castiel tends to get them both in trouble.  Dean has always had an interest in Castiel.  It may have started out as fear, which transformed into respect, then in turn became friendship.  It wasn’t until this past year that Dean started to crave his presence.  Considering their line of work, and the constant shit storm that was their life, Dean had a healthy fear for the Angels wellbeing.  Castiel was perfectly capable of taking care of himself.  His strength, his grace and proficiency in weapons made him an otherworldly power and Dean should have no reason to fear for his safety.  Regardless, Dean’s gut dropped out of his body whenever the Angel disappeared to check on the dissention in Heaven, or check in to make sure Crowley wasn’t planning something ridiculous.

  Even if Castiel seemed like a God among men, in a world with other supernatural beings there were ways to apprehend and hurt Castiel. That one thought haunted Dean constantly when he was separated from Castiel. With that realization, Dean started insisting that Cas join them on hunts as frequently as possible.  Dean could keep an eye on him, and oh boy did he.  What started as an appreciation for the blue-eyed angel’s loyalty and strength of character had turned into an appreciation for his body.  On the rare occasion that Cas would remove his trench coat, Dean could see the outlines of strong muscles through the thin white cotton of his shirt.  Strong muscles that could easily hold Dean down.  Strong hips to fuck him into the mattress with. Strong hands to wrap around his cock…and my God his thighs…Cas and Sam had caught him staring on multiple occasions.  Dean would be lost in a fantasy and probably drooling when he was caught, usually on laundry day or cleaning up after a hunt.  Dean would bullshit Castiel and he, of course bought it, taking the explanation at face value.  Sam however, Sam knew Dean better and he would just smile.  That smile was the same one Sam had been wearing all night………

 _THAT BASTARD!_  

Dean had been suspicious that Sam knew what was going through Deans mind but it was just easier to ignore it and pretend that he didn’t.  Dean had let his guard down more than usual tonight, the open flirting during poker, the lingering touches, the ‘eye fucking’… _Oh God I’m an idiot…_

He didn’t know what Sam’s end game was, but he knew that Sam had figured it out.  Hell, maybe it wasn’t so much he figured it out as he simply just took notice.  Fine, so it seemed Sam knew how Dean felt about Cas.  Dean could deal with Sam’s teasing.  Fine, no big deal.  As long as Cas didn’t know.  It would ruin everything if Cas knew… He would just have to continue to play it off if he got caught again.  Cas would believe whatever excuse Dean threw his way.

“Dean!”  Sam snapped his fingers.

He jerked his head up and saw that both men were still starring. 

“Sorry, spaced out for a min.  Go ahead and tell him.”  Deans arms were still crossed and tense as he waited.

“Actually,” Sam slurred “I thought YOU should tell him.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, willing God to give him strength not to pummel his brother and ruin their fun night.

“Fine,” Dean turned to Cas and the angel was waiting expectantly still clutching the door jamb.  Dean looked at the floor while he spoke.  He could not look Cas in the face when he said this.

“Eye fucking is when two people are staring at each other with so much intent that they might as well have fucked.  It usually happens repeatedly.”  There he explained it.  Better it came out of his mouth instead of his brother, who was up to no good. 

He glanced up at Cas expecting to see him either confused or laughing.  When their eyes met, Dean heart skipped a beat.  Cas’ silly drunken smile was gone.  It was replaced by full parted lips breathing in air faster than he probably needed to and a dusting of pink across his face.   Once drooping, glassy eyes were open wide in surprise…or realization.

_Shit…_

“But I wasn’t eye fucking you!”  Dean waved his hands.  “Honestly, I just thought you were being funny.”  He needed to save this situation, but he only made it worse.  Cas’ posture sagged at Deans outburst and a frown made those full kissable lips tight.  _Damn, I pissed him off…_

“Anyway! Now that you have a new term to add to your ever-growing modern dictionary, let’s get more drinks and play some pool!”  Dean rushed past Cas and into the kitchen leaving a stunned Cas and a laughing Sam in his wake.

 

                    ------------------------------------------present-------------------------------------

 

The next time Dean woke up he was covered in a crocheted blanket, sitting on a pillow and there was a glass of water with 2 white pills sitting on a piece of paper.  He sat up, forgetting about the unfortunate side effect of sudden movement, only the desire to puke his intestines out never came.  There was still a dull pounding in his head that made him grab the pills, which he assumed was Tylenol.  He popped them in his mouth and washed them down with the glass of water.  He gulped the water down as if he had been stuck in a desert for 20 years.  He needed more and the sink caught his eye. 

_Ugh, it’s so far away._

He gripped the side of the toilet and willed his legs to straighten out.  Deans legs cooperated but he was still apprehensive about moving his upper body, so he stayed bent over.  He bent each knee, testing their willingness to keep him upright.  With each bend of the knee he felt a slick sensation where he probably shouldn’t.  Forgetting his hesitation about standing up quickly for fear of triggering an upset stomach, Dean’s torso snapped up so quickly he was surprised he didn’t pull a muscle. 

_Oh no…oh God please no…_

Scared to confirm his suspicion, he tentatively reached behind him and ran a finger just along the inside of his ass crack.  He tried to swallow the knot in his throat as he pulled the finger away to look at the mystery liquid on his finger.  He instinctually squinted to try and make out the substance better, but there was no color to it.  One point goes to suspicion. 

_I can’t believe I’m about to do this…_

Paranoid, he glanced around the empty bathroom, raised the finger to his nose and breathed in. 

 _Fuck..._  

His stiff posture went lax in defeat and a heaviness settled in his chest.  There was no mistaking that smell.  It was lube.  He had a sore ass and there was still lube on…. and in him.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened, even if he couldn’t remember.  All he wanted to do was to spend more time with Cas, and despite his desires, he had no intention of ever acting on them.  Considering Cas was not in his bed this morning, just confirmed what he knew would happen.  He crossed the only line left and Dean had tainted the only pure thing left in his life.  Dean breaks everything he touches, he had come to accept it. None of his relationship came out unscathed and he could barely hold onto his brother.  He hadn’t allowed himself to have relationships in a long time.  He had done so many horrible things, and this was his penance. 

He reached down and grabbed the cup and shuffled over to the sink.  He filled the cup and drank his fill.  The water didn’t make him feel any better.  He doubted anything would, but at least a shower could wash away the physical remnants of his shame.  He managed a quick glance in the mirror above the sink and he hated who looked back at him. He looked like hammered shit.  He was pale, his normally bright green eyes were dull, his honey brown hair was flat, dark circles shadowed his eyes, his lips were chapped, stubble that he normally found flattering just made him look old and weary and _..._

_Oh my God are those hickies?!_

He raised his chin and touched one of the purple bruises on his neck.  He rubbed and it wouldn’t come off.  It was then that he remembered the handcuffs.  Why the fuck was he wearing them? He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry as he stared at himself, all he knew was irritation and anger were taking over.  He raised his arm to get a better look and…yup, he needed a key or a hacksaw. 

 _Fucking perfect…_  

Shower with handcuffs it is.  He’ll deal with them later.

He pulled back the curtain and stepped into the claw foot tub.  He turned the tap to the left, and waited for the hot water.  He sighed once the heat hit his skin.  He started to melt into the water as he breathed in the steam.  He grabbed a bar of soap and started scrubbing, he could relax once he cleaned the guilt from his body.  He lathered his hair, and face.  He ducked under the spray and he started to move his hands over his body with the soap.  He winced when he got to his chest. 

_Shit, even my nipples are tender?! What the fuck did Cas do to me?!_

He moved along the rest of his body, scrubbing his front, his legs, feet, back, arms and finally paying the most attention to his ass. 

He spread his cheeks and scrubbed until no more of the slickness remained.  He was surprised to find he wasn’t tender, and it only ached if he clenched.  It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was different than when he would finger himself or use a toy when he had some alone time.  All he felt after that was empty.  Now, there was lingering sensation.  Proof that Cas was there.  That sensation laden proof made Deans chest both swell with happiness and tighten with a new surge of sorrow.

With one last sweep of soap over his body, he turned off the water and stepped out.  He grabbed a towel and soaked up the droplets of water dripping from his skin.  He wrapped the towel around his waist and stared at the door.  If he walked out that door he would have to face Castiel.  He would have to see the evidence of his crime.  He deserved the gut-wrenching pain witnessing the hurt on Cas’ face would cause.  Cas was a marked man.  Dean had doomed him and he had to try and right that wrong.  He didn’t know how he would fix this, but staying in the safety of the bathroom wouldn’t help.  If Cas wanted to scream at him, hit him, or smite him even, it would be warranted.  Dean would accept any punishment, just to see Cas smile again.  With determination, he opened the door and walked into the hallway.

 

                                

 

 

                       -----------------------8 1/2 hours Earlier-------------------------

 

Dean had successfully caught up with Sam and Cas.  He took 2 shots and shot gunned a beer before moving to the new billiard room.  He was currently bent over the pool table trying to focus on sinking the eight ball, but the little bastard wouldn’t sit still.  He pulled his right arm back and stuck his tongue out.  He thrust the pool stick forward and it grazed the top of the cue ball.  Both Sam and Cas doubled over with laughter. 

“You both shut the fuck up!  The ball wouldn’t stop moving long enough for me to hit it!”  Dean shouted. His admission just had them laughing even harder.   He stood up and swayed as he backed up to give Cas some room for his turn

“Whatever, just take your turn Cas.”  Dean crossed his arms in a huff.

“Gladly.” Cas said with a grin that hadn’t left his face all night.

Cas grabbed the little green square of chalk off the head of the table.  He gripped the pool cue in his left hand and brought the chalk up to the tip.  Dean leaned against the wall and watched Cas grind the chalk onto the tip, very slowly.  Deans eyes moved from the rotation of Cas’ hands to his blue eyes, staring right into his own.  Dean inhaled sharply. _Oh, Holy shit…. he must be doing that on purpose._

Dean bit his lip when he noticed Cas’ goofy smile had transformed into a grin with predatory intent.  His eyes, once a brilliant reflection of the happiness of the evening, had become dark with need.  He could only dream and wish that what Cas needed was him.  A fresh jolt of arousal swept through his cock and Dean lowered his hands in an attempt to hide the effect Cas and his staring problem were having on him.  Maybe he could handle it if Cas wasn’t moving his hand like that at the same time as their, yea he will admit it, eye fucking.  He needed to look away or he would get his hopes up.  He might even get lost in a fantasy that would just never happen, instead of seeing it as the joke that it obviously is. 

Dean shifted his weight to his other foot, and looked around the room trying to seem disinterested.  But every time he looked back to Cas, the angel was just staring at him with darkened eyes while ever so slowly preparing the pool cue for his shot. 

Dean cleared his throat loudly.  “Cas, I, uh, I think it is chalked.  Take your shot dude.”

Without acknowledging Dean’s awkwardness, Cas turned and bent over the pool table.  _Oh, sweet Jesus…_  

This was the first-time Dean had been on the same side of the table as Cas during the game.  He had insisted that Cas take off his jackets for better movement during the game and he now had an unobscured view of Cas’ round ass.  So many images flashed through his mind as his cock continued to fill.  Dean wanted to grip those hips and bury himself in Cas while he was bent over the pool table.  He wanted to see Cas quivering beneath him.  He wanted to hear the sweet gasps and beautiful deep moans that would escape those plush lips. 

He wanted so much it was painful.  He closed his eyes and with gritted teeth, rested his head against the wall.  It was literally getting painful.  The pressure was building thanks to his damn constricting underwear.  His jeans weren’t helping either.  He needed to calm down and get rid of this. 

_Think of something you hate…umm…. airplanes…. roaches…. Crowley…. yup good it is working._

Dean opened his eyes and regardless of how it made Dean feel, if he thought Cas chalking up the damn pool stick took a million years, then Cas lining up his shot took even longer.  He spared a glance at his brother who was sitting against the other wall.  Dean’s entire body went rigid.  Sam was looking at Dean and smiling. 

_no…no…no…._

“Hey Dean, you are just SO good at this game, and it seems Cas is having some problems with his shot.  Why don’t you give him a hand.” 

_You rat bastard…_

Dean couldn’t see himself but he hoped the look he was broadcasting to his brother made Sam’s balls run for cover.

Cas stood back up and looked over his shoulder at Dean.  Cas’ face seemed more neutral, albeit pink, than it had been all evening.  It seemed that whatever expression Dean wore, the alcohol amplified it.  Probably trying harder than normal, and just making it worse, Dean tried to school his expression as much as possible before walking the short distance to the pool table.

“Ok, bend over and hold the pool stick like you were.  I need to see where you were having problems.”  Dean thanked God his voice didn’t waver.

Cas did as he was told and Dean managed to observe his posture without any ulterior motives.  Dean put his hand on Cas’ lower back and a hand on his shoulder and adjusted him for height.  He walked around the angel and moved his arms, hands and fingers to a position he found to be better for accuracy. 

“There, that should help.”  Dean muttered.

He started to make his way back to the wall when Sam decided to give another recommendation.

“Good posture, but isn’t execution kind of important too?  Why don’t you use this as a test shot and make sure he can take advantage of how you placed him.  Practice makes perfect.”

He knew without look that Sam was smiling, and Dean wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.  He still had a role to play.  Putting on his best bro face, he turned to Sam and gave him a weak smile.

Cas hadn’t moved and Dean regarded the position he was in.  There was a very slight arch to his back.  His right leg was behind the left and slightly bent.  Dean gulped and moved in behind Cas.  He could see the angel visibly tense as he started to lean over Cas.  _I’m never going to get another chance like this._ Dean’s breath became shallow as he slotted his hips against Cas’ ass.  Dean’s erection hadn’t gone away fully and he had to use every ounce of self-control to keep from getting fully hard again.  He was losing the battle.  His chest rested gently on Cas’ back and Deans arms mirrored the angels own.  He had been close to the angel before, but it was always just a hug.  This, this was loaded with intent and innuendo. 

Cas’ breath was coming just as quick as Dean’s.  Cas was probably uncomfortable, he needs to hurry this ‘practice shot’ up but the shot wasn’t going to be any good if Cas didn’t calm down.

“Ok Cas, you need to relax if this is going to work.”  Dean whispered in his ear.

“O-okay.”

“Take a deep breath. In” Despite his rapid pulse, Dean managed to inhale smoothly.  After only a beat Cas did the same.

“Out” Both men exhaled in a rush.  He couldn’t speak for Cas, but his advice was working for him.

“In” Dean could feel Cas’ back rise under him. 

“Out”

“In” The tandem breathing and heat radiating from Cas was starting to make him dizzy with want.  He didn’t even need the alcohol.  He could feel his eyes grow heavy and his cock thicken.  He gripped Cas’ hands tight to distract himself from grinding into Cas.  If Cas noticed the raging hard on, he didn’t give any sign.

“Out and shoot” Dean exhaled slowly and pushed forward encouraging Cas’ arm to move.  The slight change in angle had Deans erection push into the cushion of Cas’ ass.  Even if it was slight, it was still contact and it took all Dean had to not push against Cas harder.

There were two things that happened that he wasn’t prepared for.  The first was Cas sinking the eight ball.  The second was the soft moan that accompanied Cas’ exhale.  Dean was pushed flush against Cas as the black ball dropped into the pocket.  Cas slapped a hand over his mouth and Dean all but jumped off Cas.

_Did that just happen?  Did I make him moan? No, he was just really relaxed. Pft, yea people moan during massages and shit all the time._

“Awesome job Cas! You won!  I’m gonna go get some more alcohol.”  Dean spit the words out as fast as he could while he made his way to the door.  The effect of the booze had calmed down during pool but he was still a bit off balance and lightheaded thanks to Cas’ impromptu billiards education.  He tried to look as dignified as possible during his speedy exit.  He didn’t dare look at his brother.  He was not drunk enough for this.  Sam was a sadistic bastard and he would have to ask his brother to lay off after tonight.

Dean made it to the kitchen without incident and proceeded to pull out the bottle of whiskey that was supposed to be for both he and Sam.  _Fuck that._   His heart was trying to beat out of his chest as he replayed the scene over and over in his mind.  He could have come just like that, in clothes and barely touching.  If only they had more time and no Sam.

 Dean leaned against the counter and tried to calm down with the same breathing as before.  It only made him think of Cas, which did nothing for his pulse.  Dean laid out 4 shot glasses and filled the line with whiskey. 

One after the other, Dean knocked them back, the burn steadying his mind.  He coughed and shook his head as he slammed the fourth shot glass on the counter. 

He glanced at the clock.  There was only 45 minutes till midnight.  He was giving himself 45 more minutes of fantasies about Cas.  He had spent most of the year realizing he wanted more than a working relationship or even friendship with Cas.  It was a painful year.  It is always painful when you can’t have something you want.  But this was more than want.  This realization had started to consume him.  Cas was always in his thoughts. 

No one worried him more than Cas. No one pissed him off more than Cas.  Cas made him want to be better.  Cas made him want to keep fighting.  Cas made him hope.  No one other than Sam had ever evoked those desires from him.  Dean will keep those aspirations for the new year, but he was going to make himself see Cas as a friend or a brother.  His New Year’s resolution was to purge, other than friendly, thoughts of Cas from his mind.  He wanted to smile, happy for his conviction, but he just couldn’t.  He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and a few beers and  turned to rejoin the party.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un beta'ed. Let me know if there are any glaring mistakes I missed. Long chapter is long. Sorry. XD

 

 

 

 

He was about to head to the pool room but Dean heard laughter coming from the library and he stood in the door way. He watched his brother and Cas laugh at something on Sam’s laptop.   He smiled.  He was glad his party idea worked.  He wanted everyone to be happy as they entered the new year. 

He gripped the door jamb and slowly stepped up into the room.

“The prodigal son returns!”  Cas shouted.

Dean snorted and his grin expanded seeing Cas’ excitement for the party back.

“Good timing Dean, I have a new game since you picked the last two.” Sam said as he pulled up a chair near an empty one and the one Cas was occupying. 

Dean flopped into the empty chair near Cas, while Sam claimed the one in the middle, forming a triangle.  “What's the game?” Dean asked before pulling from the bottle.

“Truth or Dare.” 

Dean inhaled to voice his opposition but neglected to reason that he was drinking already.  So instead of arguing with Sam he spent a min coughing and trying to convey his message with hand signals, all the while Cas was slapping Dean on the back.  Sam just leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs, and folded his hands in his lap.

Dean was finally able to take a few uninterrupted breathes.  “No.” he sputtered.

“Yes.” Sam deadpanned.  “That was the deal remember?  I agreed to have this party with you, but you were not allowed to deny any of my game requests.”

Dean frowned at Sam and realized his brother was right.  Well, fuck. Dean Winchester never welches on bets or fails to follow through on a deal.

“Fine you ass. But I’m not getting naked or dancing or kissing anything!” Dean jabbed his finger into his brother’s chest for emphasis.

_Sam thinks he is being tricky, but I’ll just do dares the whole time, and I already set my parameters._

A smug grin graced Deans’ face as he leaned back in his seat.  Sam must have noticed Dean relax, and of course Sam couldn’t allow that.

“This will be like truth or dare, but a little different.  It is just going to be truth.  No dares.”  Sam said, obviously trying to repress a chuckle.

  _Ha! Jokes on him, I’ll just lie._

“No lying allowed either Dean.” Sam said as he paused and reached under the table.

_Like he would be able to tell…_

“This will make sure of it.”  Sam leaned over and set a small, tear drop shaped flask on the table.  It looked harmless.  It was just glass with a cork stopper.  No embellishments, pictographs, or wards. 

“What the fuck is that and where did you get it?” Dean asked not taking his eyes off the unassuming bottle.

“I was checking out the inventory and found it.  I didn’t know what it’s use was so I looked it up, and according to the Men of Letters documents, it is a truth serum.  Completely side effect free, if you don’t count not being able to lie as a side effect.”

_I’m a dead man…._

Dean couldn’t utter a single word.    Dean looked at Sam and tried to plead with his eyes, but he got no acknowledgement from his brother.  Sam had successfully painted Dean into a corner.  Of course, Sam wasn’t MAKING him do anything, but he already agreed to the game before he knew it even existed.  If Dean refused to play it would put a damper on the party, and it would probably raise red flags with Cas.  The angel would inevitably ask questions and Cas would find out why Dean ran from the room like a 12-year-old girl.  Dean couldn’t accept that.  If Cas was going to find out the truth it was going to be from him and not Sam. 

This had to have been Sam’s plan all along but if Sam had just waited 30 more min Dean would have taken care of his feelings by himself.  Sam always felt the need to talk about feelings and emotions and Dean hated it.  He was content just stewing in his own conflict and not bothering anyone else with it.  Dean looked to Cas.  He appeared more sober than he did during poker and Cas was staring at his feet, nothing on his face gave him a clue to what the Angel was thinking.  Did truth serums even work on Angels?  They were about to find out. 

Dean turned up the bottle of whiskey and drank the rest of it.  He slammed the now empty bottle on the table, squared his shoulder and looked his brother in the eyes.

_Bring it on_

“Ok, so all questions are on the table and we will role this die to see who goes first.  The person who answered will be the next to go, and so on.”  Sam explained the rules calmly and set a single white and black die on the table next to the serum. 

“But first the serum.”  Sam reached for the glass bottle and pulled the cork off with a small pop.  He tilted his head back, stuck his tongue out and brought the bottle up.  Dean saw that attached the cork, was a thin glass protrusion.  The combination of the cork and glass bar looked like a sword, the cork being the hilt.  Sam brought the stopper to his tongue and let three drops drip down the bar onto his tongue.  He passed the bottle to Cas and he repeated Sam’s actions before handing the bottle to Dean.

Dean removed the cork and raised the bottle to his nose.  He took a whiff but smelled nothing.  Cautiously he hovered the serum over his tongue and let three drops fall.  He retracted his tongue and swallowed.  There was a subtle sweetness to it but other than that, it had absolutely no taste.  He waited a moment, but other than the thrumming buzz of the alcohol he didn’t feel any different.  He studied his brother and Cas, and couldn’t see a change in them either.

Sam leaned forward, took the die in his hand and with a flick of his wrist let the die fall back to the table.  Sam rolled a 4.  That was higher than Dean wanted.  Not that Sam going first would change his fate, but he would have preferred being able to set the tone of the game.  Cas took it upon himself to go next.  Cas simply just dropped the die, no rolling involved.  Cas rolled a 5.  Well, Cas going first was better than Sam.  Dean stared at the die like it would bite him.  With an audible gulp, he picked up the die.  He used both hands to shake it.  He brought his hands up to his face and blew softly inside the cup of his hands.  He needed all the luck he could get. Obviously God had abandoned him.  He hovered his hands above the table and opened his palms.  The die clattered to the table in what seemed like slow motion to Dean.  He held his breath and watched the die slowly come to a halt.

A 1…. he rolled a fucking one.  He wanted to pull his hair out.

“Well then, Cas I guess you go first.  Ask whoever you want any question.”

Sam reclined in his seat and Dean relaxed minutely.  Cas would probably ask him what his favorite color was.  It wasn’t Cas he was worried about.  It was his pain in the ass brother.

Cas cleared his throat, but no question came.  He scratched his head, and made his already unruly hair puff up.  A crease formed in between his brows and his eyes darted from one place to the other.  Cas was on edge and Dean couldn’t imagine why.  He wasn’t on the receiving end. 

Dean popped the cap off a new bottle of beer while he waited on Cas to ask his question.

Cas took a deep breath and raised his eyes to Dean.

“Dean, based on my observations, your sexual prowess with women is exceptional.”

The corner of his mouth twitched up.  _Well, you’re not wrong._ Dean thought as he raised the bottle to take a swig of the beer.

Cas continued.  “But can the same be said about your sexual experience with men?”

The beer hadn’t even made it to his mouth yet.  Dean just sat there, bottle raised to his lips, eyes wide and tilted to Cas.   

 _What the fuck was that question!  I thought Sam was the one I had to worry about?_ Regardless of the surprising question, he felt compelled to answer _.  Damn that serum!_

His body started to heat up and he was more embarrassed than he had ever been in his life.  He never talked about the men he had been with, with Sam.  Deep down he knew Sam wouldn’t care, but there was always that old stigma that prevented Dean from bragging about the men like he did the women. 

Dean looked quickly at Sam and saw nothing but curiosity written on his younger brother’s face.  He returned his attention to Cas.  He was waiting expectantly, still tense in his seat.  Cas once said he was indifferent to sexual orientation and if Sam could love him after what he did in hell, then he could love him for sometimes playing with a dick that wasn’t his own.  So, if neither one of them cared, why was Sam being a pain in the ass and Cas asking this question?

 _FINE. FUCK IT!_  

The excessive amount of alcohol was pounding through his blood now.  They call it liquid courage for a reason. 

So be it. They both want to embarrass him, force him to face his feelings, drive him mad.  Cas wanted to play this game, fine.  Dean will just have to deal with the fallout later.  He always does.  He was going to make this game his bitch and show them that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass.  If Cas finds out Deans feelings, it wasn’t from a lack of trying to prevent it on Dean’s part.  If he insists on this kind of question, then Dean might just return fire and have some fun with it.

Dean looked at the bottle as he lowered it to the table slowly.  He felt like he was in a trance when he answered, but he summoned all the courage, bravado, and sensuality he could and threw it into his simple answer.

Dean flicked his eyes up to Cas and licked his lips with purpose.  Cas followed the movement of Deans tongue and slowly raised his eyes to meet Deans.

“Yes.”

He could vaguely hear Sam whopping and hollering in the background, but his entire world had narrowed down to Castiel.  The angel still looked tense, but it was reminiscent of how he looked in the pool room.  Their eyes broke contact as hungry eyes raked down Deans body unabashedly.  Dean was about as good at interpreting intentions as Cas was at understanding sarcasm, but this…this seemed purposeful.

In the pool room, Dean could have sworn the angel was just messing with him.  Maybe, just maybe Dean’s hope wasn’t misplaced.  Dean gripped the wooden arms of the chair and his cock throbbed in interest when Cas’ traveling eyes ended the line in his lap.  Dean parted his legs and shifted in his seat to give his dick some room. 

Cas’ eyes went wide and he ripped his gaze away from Dean’s crotch.  He sat further back in his seat and crossed his legs.  That beautifully aroused expression was replaced with stern eyes and a polite smile. 

 _Well, there it is then. I knew he was just messing with me.  He and Sam must have some plan to fuck with me and he got too caught up with the game. Cas isn’t used to playing pranks.  Cas is an angel.  He is a warrior.  He barely has time for this party, let alone time to invest in me apart from hunting_. 

Whatever, he knew what Cas was up to now.  Two can play at that game.

Trying to keep the sting of Cas’ rebuff out of his voice and posture, Dean leaned back in his seat and took a sip of his beer.

“Ok Cas, my turn.” 

_What is a sure-fire question to embarrass him?_

Dean put on the best Disney Villain grin he could manage.

“Where is the kinkiest place you have gotten yourself off?” 

Cas refused to look at Dean and there was such a stark difference from their exchange a minute ago that Dean started to get suspicious.

“Have you never masturbated before?” Dean guessed

Cas finally met Deans eyes, but only for a second.

 _“_ No, I, uh…I have…”

“Then answer the question.”

Cas seemed to be getting agitated, and his lack of a quick response must mean the serum didn’t have as strong of an effect on Angels. 

“Your bed.” Cas almost whispered looking at his feet.  He looked ashamed.

Dean gaped at the angel and laughed.

_Yea, yea that is kinky…especially for an angel.  What would possess him to do that there?  Was he lying?_

“Are you lying?”

“No, I took the same serum you did.” Cas said looking affronted, finally meeting his eyes.

Dean couldn’t help the wave of heat that rolled over his body followed almost immediately by a chill, making him shiver.  Like word vomit, the question just popped out of his mouth.  Turns be damned.

“I’m not mad.”  Dean held up his hands to show his lack of hostility. “But why would you do that in my bed?” Dean asked completely curious.  He could appreciate an out of the box sexual act, but for CAS to touch himself in Deans own bed had his interest piqued.  Cas probably did it on a dare, or Sam told him it would piss him off.

Cas shifted in his seat and looked confused.

“I don’t understand where your confusion lies Dean.”  Cas looked like a spooked deer ready to flee.

“My confusion is what your motive was.  Did Sam dare you, or did he tell you it would make a good prank?  I mean you have no other reason touch yourself in my bed.  You can literally do it ANYWHERE else.” Dean said starting to get irritated.  He wasn’t annoyed that Cas did it.  He just wanted to know why and Cas was pussyfooting around the answer.

Hurt flashed on Cas’ face so quickly Dean would have missed it had he not been staring at him, waiting for an answer.

“Dean, I did it on my own accord.”  Cas was a little more stern than he had been all night.

“Wait, so YOU were pranking me all on your own?  How brave of you, Cas.” Dean nudged the angel with his foot and chuckled.

“No Dean!” Cas shouted, jolting out of his seat and Deans laugh died on his lips.

“What the fuck Cas?  Just answer the question then!”  Dean yelled.  He tried to get out of his seat as fast as Cas did, but where Cas seemed almost sober, Dean was still very much affected by alcohol.  He swayed and caught himself on the table before he fell into Cas. 

“Dean, I brought myself to completion in your bed because that was as close as I could get to YOU touching me.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat and his stomach dropped out of his ass.

_Wait…what?  Cas had just been messing with me all night, none of that was real..._

He did the first thing he could think of.  He turned and walked out of the room.  He didn’t look back.  He needed to be alone to slowly piece this whole night together.  He had to analyze the card game, the pool game, the truth game.  No fuck that, he had to analyze all of it; His whole existence with Cas in it.  What did this actually mean?  He could very easily guess based on Cas’ answer.  It was what he had been dreaming of this whole past year, and now, he was running from it. 

He slammed his bedroom door behind him but it was opened a second later by a stormy faced Cas, who in turn also slammed the door.  Dean turned to Cas to ask to be left alone but he didn’t get anything out before Cas grabbed his shoulders firmly.

“Did I read the signals wrong Dean?”  Cas asked, merely six inches from his face.

“Signals? What signals?”  Dean sputtered.  He didn’t have the brain power to answer.

“Something changed this year Dean and I dared to hope.”  Cas’ level stare had Dean rooted.  Cas always held such power in his stare, but now there was a fragility to it.  This new vulnerability didn’t exist that first day in the barn.  Dean was both scared and thrilled at the new depth.  Cas continued, the hard lines in his face softening.

 “I did notice you know.  Your lingering glances, your desire to be in my presence more frequently, your… possessiveness.”

Dean licked his lips and tried to swallow the knot in his throat. 

“I was confused by your change in behavior so I turned to books.  What answers I could not find in printed text I sought from video and audio media and your brother.  He gave me advice based on my hypotheses and you proved most of them tonight.  You didn’t even have to say anything Dean, but I need you to now.”  Cas’ hands tightened on Deans shoulders.

_Oh my God…_

 “Please tell me I didn’t just imagine it. I need you to tell me you feel the same way so I can stop torturing myself.  Dean, I am not used to this, please help me.” 

Deans throat constricted from Cas’ admissions and the raw supplication written on his face. 

“I feel as if I die a little each time I see you and I can’t touch you how I want and how you deserve.  Being in close proximity with you isn’t enough anymore.  Dean, I need you always.”  Cas ran his hand along Deans shoulder to rest on his neck.  Dean closed his eyes and leaned into the heat of Cas’ hand.  He took a deep breath and prayed Cas couldn’t feel his heart racing under his hand.

Dean didn’t deserve the wonderful words coming out of Cas’ mouth.  Hell he didn’t deserve Cas at all but here he is, telling Dean everything he had wanted to hear, and that Dean himself had been feeling.

 His limbs felt heavy and his head was fuzzy.  _I’m dreaming, that is what this is.  I got so drunk I passed out and I am dreaming.  It is one of those cool dreams I control.  Alright!_ Dean could be as forward as he wanted in this dream, he could be needy, he could be honest and he was safe in his dream.  Even if it was only a dream, he could have Cas.

Emboldened by the assumption he was dreaming, Dean raised his free arm and placed a hand on Cas’ hip.  He stepped forward, closing the small gap that separated them.  Cas’ body tensed under Deans hand.  Dean tilted his head down to Cas’ ear and whispered.

“You didn't imagine anything.” 

Just as simple as before, but loaded with so many promises and intentions.

Cas exhaled heavily and shut his eyes.  His grip on Deans shoulder loosened and ran down his arm while Dean leaned in and gave a chaste kiss under Cas’ ear.  His breath hitched and he gripped Deans hand.

“Yes.” Dean said and placed a kiss on Cas’ jaw. 

“Yes.” A kiss to his cheek this time.

“Yes.” His nose.

Dean released Cas’ hand and ran his own up along the angel’s arm and over strong shoulders. 

“Cas…” Dean murmured and settled his hand to cradle his face.  Dean ran his thumb over Cas’ full bottom lip.

The angel parted his lips and Dean could feel the warm puffs of breath start to come faster.

“Cas let me see you.” He whispered

Cas slowly opened his eyes.  All the doubt Dean had felt, all the fear, it all melted away as he looked into the angel’s crystal blue eyes.  All the answers to his questions lay in those eyes. 

Feeling clarity Dean hadn’t experienced in a long time, he brought his lips to Cas’.  The barely-there kiss was soft, innocent and made Deans heart ache.  He pulled back minutely and opened his closed eyes.  Cas’ eyes were wide, and a dusting of pink colored his cheeks.  The shared breaths that mingled on each other’s lips made him dizzy.  Dean wanted more, needed more. 

_Please Cas._

The need must have been written on his face because tentatively Cas leaned in, giving Dean a quick peck on the lips.  Dean smiled. 

Despite the heat rising in them both, the inexperience and apprehension was still there.  Cas made his desires known, but he must be terrified. 

Dean brought his other hand to Cas’ face, mirroring the other and nudged Cas’ nose with his own before their lips met again.  The sweet gesture seemed to help Cas relax.  The Angel brought his hands to Dean’s back and gripped his jacket.  Dean savored the small touch.

The sweet, quick kisses became unhurried and unyielding as Dean melted into Cas.  Dean felt the brush of Cas’ hard length against his hip and a soft moan vibrated deep in Cas’ throat. 

_Oh Fuck…_

This was because of Dean.  Dean was causing this reaction in Cas.  Alcohol be damned, Dean could get drunk off Cas alone.

Dean ran his hands through Cas’ hair and deepened the kiss.  He ran his tongue against the seam of Cas’ lips and pushed harder into Cas.

Cas gasped and broke the kiss.  Breath ragged, they both studied each other.  Cas’ already full lips were swollen and slick from Deans bold tongue. There was no slack in Cas’ grip on Dean’s jacket.  The air between them was heavy, and the anticipation was palpable. This was the point of no return. 

Cas licked his lips clean of Dean’s advance and that is all the encouragement he needed.  Dean choked out a groan and crashed his lips into Cas.  The angel opened for him instinctively, Dean not having to probe for permission.  Dean gripped Cas’ dark hair firmly as their mouths fought for control.  Sweet, chaste kisses were gone, replaced by the brazen swirling of tongues and harsh clicking of teeth. 

Lust and hunger had completely taken control and made both men bolder.  Cas removed his grip from Deans jacket and started pushing it off his shoulders.  Without breaking the needy contact of lips and tongue, Dean lowered his arms, letting Cas wretch the jacket from Deans body.  Dean gripped Cas’ shoulders and walked them over to the wall, all the while Dean licked into Cas’ mouth eagerly.  Cas’ back hit the wall with a dull thud.  Dean grabbed the angel’s wrist and pinned them above his head with one hand. 

Cas gave himself over to the hunter, going pliant against Deans hard body.  Dean nipped at Cas’ lip while slotting his knee in between the angel’s thighs.  Dean dragged his lips against Cas’ jaw as he pressed his cock against Cas, searching from some relief.  Dean bit back a groan when Cas unexpectedly pushed back. 

“Fuck Cas…”

Dean shuddered and his breath came out hot and quick against Cas’ neck.  The angel tilted his head, exposing his neck.  Not one to turn down an invitation, Dean left heated kisses on every exposed stretch of Cas’ skin.  Small whimpers escaped the angels mouth as Dean added teeth, nipping back the way he came. 

Dean had waited long enough, Cas was his, and he was Cas’.  Dean found his pulse point and latched on, sucking harshly.  Cas inhaled sharply and his arms lurched forward, only to be held firmly against the wall by Dean.  He knew Cas wanted to touch, but he was in control.  Dean was once put back together by Cas, it was his turn to take the angel apart and piece him back together. 

With Cas’ arms restrained he rutted against Dean.  He held steady and let Cas use him while he lavished the angels neck with hot swipes of his tongue and sharp bites.

“Dean…please” Cas begged.  “I want to touch you.” 

Dean paused his ministrations on Cas’ neck and glanced at the man pressed against him.  Dean’s mouth went dry. 

Cas’ head was tilted against the wall and hazy blue eyes gazed at him longingly.  Quick breaths skated out across swollen, red lips and his wild hair framed his flushed face.  Chest rising and falling, Cas looked thoroughly debauched and painted such a pretty picture.  Dean wanted to see more.  Always more.  He released Cas’ hands.

“Hold on to me.” Dean growled.

Cas wrapped his arms around Deans neck while the hunter gripped the back of his thighs and lifted.  Reflexively, Cas wrapped his legs around Deans waist.  Dean leaned them against the wall, finding his balance among the alcohol trying to sabotage him. 

Cas brushed his lips over Deans mouth before pushing his tongue in for a taste.  Dean groaned as Cas ravaged his mouth.  A sharp gasp escaped Deans mouth as Cas grasped his hair and tugged.  The quick, sharp pain radiated down his spine and sent a jolt of warm pleasure to his cock.

Dean thought innocent Cas was cute, but this Cas…Bold, dominant Cas could be fun.  Dean needed to see that before this dream ended.  But before he gave himself over to Cas he wanted to try something he would never have the balls to do outside of a fantasy.

_._

Dean fought back with his own rough kisses, his lips becoming sore lips from stubble, and control battles.  Dean wouldn’t have it any other way.

Dean pushed himself off the wall, both their grips tight, as he made his way to the bed.  Dean pulled away from Cas’ mouth and looked over the angel’s shoulder.  Cas huffed in protest, but he did not want to trip right now. 

Dean threw Cas onto the bed and the angel crawled slowly up the bed.  Dean gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.  Cas watched Dean start to unbuckle his belt as he reached down to rub himself through his pants.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Dean chided softly.  “No touching yourself.” He wiggled his index finger as Cas looked at him, his hand hovering over his painfully hard cock.

“Dean…” Cas said pleadingly.

“Take off your tie Angel.” Dean demanded softly.  He bent over to rid himself of his boots and when he stood up he saw that Cas was gripping his tie tighter than he probably needed to. 

“Do you want to touch yourself Cas?

Cas nodded.

“Pull your cock out but don’t touch it.”

Cas gaped at Dean and he gave Cas a level stare. The angel moved his hands to his belt without protest.  Dean did the same but took his time, giving Cas time to comply with his request.  Deans belt hit the tile floor with a soft clang, catching Cas’ attention.  The angel looked up after carefully maneuvering his pants down his hips without touching himself.  Cas was reclined against the headboard, his slacks halfway down his thighs and his cock lay full and hard against his stomach.  God, Dean wanted to taste him.

 Dean leaned onto the bed and started to crawl towards Cas, taking care not to brush against the angel.  It took every ounce of self-control he had not to lick a stripe up his cock as he passed it.  Close enough, Dean kneeled over Cas stomach, legs far enough apart that he still wasn’t touching Cas.  He craned his neck up to look at Dean.

“Tie.” Dean said, hand laying open.

Cas placed the blue tie into Deans hand. “Arms up.” Cas shivered and raised his arms silently.

Dean crossed Cas’ wrists and looped the tie around them clumsily.  He made a knot near the wrists and tugged the rest above the headboard.  He tied the remainder together and anchored it to the back of the headboard on a hook he installed to hold a gun holster.

Dean sat back to admire his work.  This may be completely out of his realm of experience, but he knows what gets his motor running and God… Cas looked delicious.  Tied up with his cock out, and completely at Deans mercy.  There was something so breathtaking about Cas, a warrior angel, submitting to him when he could easily raise a hand and smite him.  Regardless of how appetizing Cas looked, he knew that if this was new for him, then this was completely alien to Cas. 

Dean leaned forward, lips brushing Cas’ ear.

“If you get uncomfortable at any time and need to get out tell me and I’ll stop.”

“O-okay.” Cas stuttered.

Dean leaned up and kissed Cas’ bound wrists before crawling off Cas and standing up next to the bed.

Dean stood regarding Cas with a hungry smile.  Without a belt his jeans were riding low enough you could tell he wasn’t wearing any underwear.  Dean met Cas’ eyes and started to slowly work his pants down.  Dean smiled coyly as he swayed to a beat that only he could hear.  Cas’ mouth hung open as he watched Deans impromptu striptease.  Never in a million years did he ever think he would have the guts to do this, thank God this was just a dream.  He needed to take advantage and get out as many fantasies as he could. He felt strangly confident around Cas.  Even at his most vulnerable he knew Cas would never judge him.  Cas’ mouth clicked shut and he gulped as Dean stood up, kicking his pants away.

Cas’ eyes raked over Deans body.  Dean stood before Cas, naked, his cock standing proudly.  Cas’ hands twitched and his eyes had all but turned black, only a thin ring of blue remained.

 Dean took himself in hand and gave his dick a few strokes, knowing where Cas’ attention lay. He thumbed a bead of pre-come off the head of his cock, and let himself go.  Dean slowly raised his hand and Cas’ eyes followed his movements.  Looking Cas dead in the eyes, Dean took his finger into his mouth, sucking it clean.  A guttural moan flew out of Cas’ mouth and he struggled against his bindings. 

“Patience Cas.” Dean drawled

Dean kneeled on the bed and pulled Cas’ slacks the rest of the way down his legs, allowing the angel movement.  Cas kept his head up but lowered his eyes to watch Dean’s hands as he tossed the fabric to the floor.  Dean expected Cas to part his legs for comfort, but instead he quickly brought them together. 

_Was he embarrassed?_

Dean gripped Cas’ ankles and pushed Cas’ legs apart, leaving him completely exposed. The angel’s wide eyes darted up to Deans.  Tension leaked into the once soft expression he’d worn.  The hunter scooted between Cas’ open thighs.  Leaning forward, Dean started undoing the buttons on Cas’ shirt, never breaking eye contact with the angel.  As his fingers worked, Dean leaned even further in.  With his lips to the angels ear he whispered.

“Cas, you are beautiful.”

Dean leaned back.  The fear that started to show on Cas’ face had all but disappeared replaced by a true, genuine smile.  Dean had seen many faces on Cas tonight, but this one was his favorite.  Cas wasn’t wearing a mask, this was him.  This was him happy, because of Dean. 

Dean’s toothy grin reflected Cas’ happiness and he surged in for a kiss.  With Deans fingers still working, Cas leaned his head against the headboard as Dean kissed his way from the angel’s mouth, to his chin, down his throat.

With each pop of a button, Dean brushed his lips along freshly revealed skin.  Once the last button was undone, Dean opened the shirt with a caress against the angel’s chest.  Cas’ skin was burning against Deans palms. 

The shirt couldn’t go far because Cas’ hands were tied above his head, but this was definitely a good look for the angel.  Cas shifted his hips under Deans stare. 

“Dean…” Cas breathed.

Dean rested his hands on Cas’ hips as he continued leaving kisses along Cas’ collar bone, and down his sternum.

_Hmmm, I wonder…_

Instead of following his intended path down, Dean veered right and flicked his tongue against a pebbled nipple. 

Dean waited for a reaction but all he got was a contented sigh.

_Ok then, moving on._

Unable to help himself, Dean gave Cas a playful nibble before he continued his path south.  Cas twitched and chuckled in response. 

Cas seemed to relax as Dean peppered his chest and stomach with sweet kisses.  Even breathing and soft hums of pleasure was all Dean could hear.   Dean glanced up to see Cas with his head back, eyes closed and lips loose. 

He seemed to be enjoying what Dean was doing, but Cas was far too tranquil. 

Dean gave his hips a few more gentle kisses before gripping Cas’ cock and taking him into his mouth.

“Dean!” the angel gasped.

Cas’ loose body snapped tight and Dean smiled against the salty tip of his cock.

Dean licked the head of Cas’ cock before taking him fully into his mouth again.  Cas was hot and hard in his mouth and Dean groaned at the heady taste of his angel on his tongue.  Above him, Cas tugged on his restraints and breathy moans escaped his parted lips. 

Dean hollowed his cheeks in suction as he moved his head up.  He swirled his tongue around the head before moving back down.  Cas thrust his hips up and hit the back of Deans throat.  Dean gagged and pulled back.  Cas tried to chase the warmth but Dean held his hips steady as he continued to lavish Cas’ cock with the heat of his mouth.  Dean started to build a rhythm that had Cas panting and flexing his hips instinctively. 

Dean had taken Cas as far has he could and swallowed around the head of the cock lodged in his throat.  A choked-out plea echoed through the room before Dean heard ripping fabric.

Deans eyes snapped open when he felt the familiar sweet, sharp pain of a hand gripping his hair and pulling.  Cas jerked Dean off his cock and pushed him backwards on the bed.  Dean tried to sit up but with inhuman strength, Cas put a foot on his chest and held him down.

The angel leaned over and started to sift through the bedside drawer. 

_Damn angel strength….so the entire time he was tied up…was willpower, or…was he pretending just for me?_

Dean was ripped out of his thoughts by the sound of a click above his head.  On his back, he tilted his head up and just as Cas’ were, his own arms were above his head.  Only, instead of a tie, Cas had trapped his wrists in his own handcuffs. 

_When the fuck…. how the fuck…._

Dean snapped his head forward and was met with the most dangerous eyes he had ever seen in his entire life. 

Cas had taken his foot off Deans chest and moved to his knees, but he didn’t dare move. 

“My turn.” Cas growled.

Dean gaped at Cas as he leisurely unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt _._

 _Where the hell did bashful Cas go…?_   

Oh, who the hell cares, he is so on board with this.

Cas seemed to notice the dazed expression on Deans face.

“It is only fair if I get to torture you as well.  I am a curious angel Dean, and during my experiments in your room I found toys and the handcuffs that now adorn your wrists.  I have had many reoccurring fantasies that involve you and those handcuffs.”

Cas threw his shirt to the floor and smirked at the hunter.

“I didn’t realize we shared the same desires.  I must say I am surprised and relieved.  I was worried earlier that my tastes would offend you or I would lose control.”

_Cas had tastes?_

Cas leaned over Dean and placed a gentled kiss to his lips.

“I’m so very happy I was wrong.”

Cas seemed to mirror Deans every action.  Every brush of Cas’ lips and swipe of his tongue left a trail of fire in his wake.  Cas hovered above him, not allowing body contact and Dean ached for it.  All Dean could feel was the agonizingly soft caress of Cas’ lips on his sensitive skin.   

He wanted to feel the weight of Cas bear down on him.  He wanted to feel the heat and slick sweat coming off the angel in waves.  It was as if Cas could read his mind and refused to give Dean what he desired without, as he put it, torturing him.

Dean arched off the bed with a gasp as Cas latched onto a sensitive nipple.  Dean brought his cuffed hands off the bed in the attempt to bury them in Cas’ hair.  With a flick of Cas’ wrist Deans hands were pinned to the mattress by an invisible force.

“No touching.” Cas chided “What was it you told me?”  Cas looked up Deans body into his wide green eyes.  “Patience Dean.” 

_Holy shit…where did this Cas come from?!_

“Cas, I get it…. please…”  Dean begged.

Cas ignored him and pressed his nipple between his teeth and tongue.

“Oh fuck!  Cas…”  Dean moaned

Cas laved and scraped the peak with tongue and teeth until Dean was a panting mess.  Cas let go of the reddening bud and blew gently, making Dean shiver.  Every nerve in his body felt like a live wire and he couldn’t lay still.  His head lolled side to side as soft cries and deep moans filled the room. 

Cas moved to the other and suckled while rolling the already tender nipple between his fingers.  Deans cock throbbed and his hips flexed in time with each pulse of suction.  Cas lowered his hips and slotted his hard length against Deans own.  Cas bit back a moan as he let go of Deans nipple and gave an experimental thrust against Dean.

Cas brought his head up and met Deans lips with a bruising kiss.  Dean thrust back against Cas and both men groaned, their cocks together for the first time both a relief and kindling.  Cas reached up and raked a hand through Deans hair as the hunter nibbled on Cas’ bottom lip.  Cas closed his eyes and rested his head against Deans as they rutted against each other in desperation.  The familiar tight heat started rising and Dean wanted to chase it, but not like this.

“Cas…” Dean panted.  “Not like this.  Please, I need to feel…all of you.”

The angel pushed up on his hands and looked down at his flushed hunter. 

“Dean, you have had a lot to drink and I didn’t think…”

“Yes! Cas yes, I don't care! I am sure please.  I need you.” Dean choked out.  His chest was tight and if Cas denied him he would cry like a bitch, he just knew it.  The need was just too great.  This dream could not end without Dean knowing what Cas felt like inside of him.

Cas smiled sweetly at Dean before reaching over to the drawer and grabbing a bottle and something small and silver.  Cas sat up and the invisible weight against Deans hands relented. 

“Let me see your wrists.”  Cas murmured.

Weakly, Dean brought his hands over his head and held them in front of Cas.  The small silver item Cas pulled from the drawer was the key.  Cas inserted it into the base and with a click one of the cuffs fell away, freeing his right hand.

“Roll over.”  Cas ordered.

Dean obeyed, getting on his hands and knees.  Dean could feel Cas behind him, probing him with that piercing gaze, and for the first time all night he felt self-conscious.  He felt Cas’ large warm hands on his cheeks.  He squeezed and roughly slid them up his back.

“You are perfect.”

Dean’s heart swelled at the compliment. 

“Give me your hands Dean.” Cas purred as he peppered kisses along Deans back.

Dean slowly lowered his head to the mattress.  He balanced his weight with his knees and neck and reached behind him.  Cas took his wrists and snapped the cuffs back together.

_Yes…_

Dean had never been this submissive before.  He blamed the alchohal and it was a dream....and it was Cas.  He'd do anything for Cas and right now Cas wanted to manhandle, dominate and completely own him.  Turns out Dean is completely ok with this. If only this wasn’t a dream, they could continue to test the waters. He wanted to give himself to Cas completely.  He didn’t have much, but he could give Cas this in the safety of a dream. 

Dean dipped his back, and put himself on display.  His cock was rigid, in need of attention and his balls hung heavy between his legs.  The angel growled behind him, appreciating the view.  Cas gripped his cheeks harshly and pulled them apart. 

_What is Cas going to do?  He can’t just stick it in!_

Dean tensed.  His heart was a jackhammer in his chest and the cool air made his hole clench.  Dean closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning and to prepare for the pain.  Instead of pain he felt the wet, hot swipe of Cas tongue on his entrance.

“Oh my God….” Dean groaned. 

A sharp smack to Deans ass made him yelp.

“Do not use my father’s name when we are being intimate.” Cas said sternly.

Dean bit his lip, trying to hold back a laugh.

_Oops…_

_intimate...really?_

“Sorry Cas.” Dean snickered.

“You will be if you do it again.”  Cas’ fingers dug into the meat of his hips for emphasis.

Laughter died on his lips and a pleasurable chill ran up Deans spine. He would do just about anything he could to get Cas’ tongue to do what it was doing before his blaspheming. 

“Yes…” Dean trailed off, not able to finish.

 _Yes, what? Sir? Master? Fuck no…What the fuck do I call him in this situation?  Does he even expect a title?_  

It wasn’t like they talked about this before they let their kink flags fly.  Where the fuck did Cas even learn this stuff?!   This whole scenario was fucked up.  It was their first time together and of course they couldn’t do it normally.  But then again, what part of their lives was normal.

_Cas appreciates formal, so he would do formal._

“Yes, Castiel. I’m sorry.”

Cas hummed his approval.

Dean was rewarded with the renewed attentions of Cas’ tongue on his ass.  Cas squeezed Dean’s cheeks as he sucked and licked his hole.  Cas’ mouth was a contradicting force of nature.  His sweet tongue had Dean purring in pleasure one second, and his bites had him shouting another.  His legs started to tremble and his dick was becoming painful from inattention.

Dean started to babble into the mattress as Cas pushed a finger inside next to his tongue.  Cas tenderly pushed in and out as Dean rocked back against his hand.

“More.” Dean whimpered

“Dean.” Cas said with a muffled warning.

“Come on Cas…” Dean responded, not caring about roles or whatever game they were playing.  The alcohol had officially taken over, putting lust before logic.

Cas sat back on his haunches.

“Dean, you need preparation before intercourse considering you haven't had sex in months. You will let me take my time.  I do not wish to hurt you.”

Dean groaned in frustration.  He didn’t care about pain; the heat was consuming him.  He needed relief from the overwhelming pressure but Dean didn’t feel Cas anymore.  His tongue was gone, as was his finger.  Maybe he was too demanding, too needy?  Did he turn Cas off? 

He couldn’t see anything but the opposite wall and his neck was starting to twinge because of the angle and extra weight. 

“I’m sorry Cas! Please don’t leave!”  Dean breathed as panic started to set in.

Cas rubbed the length of his thigh and shushed him gently.

“I’m not going anywhere.”  I just lost the bottle for a second.

Dean heard the snap of a bottle opening and the squelch of lube being dispensed.  Dean sighed in relief.  He wanted to cry from joy when he felt Cas’ finger enter him, much easier, again.  Cas pumped his finger a few times before sliding a second next to the first.

Dean inhaled sharply at the burn.  _Damnit, Cas was right..._ He tried to forget how long it had been and he hadn't used a toy in a while, but the burn receded as Cas applied another dollop of lubricant while flexing his fingers against his rim.  A wave of heat traveled across Dean’s body as Cas’ fingers pressed in as far as they could go. 

“Yes Cas…yes…”  Dean panted.

Dean’s hole swallowed his fingers as Cas drove them faster while opening and closing them.  Dean was just starting to drown in the blissful friction when Cas slowed down the pace as he moved his fingers in a circular motion.  Dean rocked his hips, trying to get the tempo back but Cas’ hand just traveled with his hips.  Dean wanted to scream in frustration.

“Hold still Dean.” Cas gave a gentle slap to Dean’s hip.  Dean grunted angrily at Cas, but there wasn’t much force behind it.  He knew he had no control over the situation and no matter how much he wanted to fight, he had to go at Cas’ pace.  Dean resigned to his fate and stilled.

Cas’ curled his fingers and pushed down. 

“Oh Fuck!” Dean cried.  Sharp pleasure radiated inside of him and he jolted forward, almost falling over.

“There we go.” Cas said tenderly as he pulsed his fingers.

A litany of mumbled pleas tumbled out of Deans mouth as Cas resumed the quick pace of his fingers while alternating brushes to Dean’s prostate.  A thick stream of pre-come dribbled from his swollen cock head.

“Cas…Cas…you…I need you now.”  Dean begged.

“Almost Dean, just one more.  I am more sizeable than your toys.”

That was all the warning Dean got before he was stretched further with a third finger.  Dean clenched, feeling the exquisite press of Cas’ fingers inside him.  Dean pinched his eyes closed and whimpered. 

His hips pushed forward, searching in vain for any relief for his aching cock.  Cas twisted his wrist and Dean choked out an inhuman noise.  Pain and pleasure blurred together and Dean’s breath rasped against the sheets.  He was holding back a sob when Cas removed his fingers.

“Dean are you sure about this?”  Cas asked shakily. 

“Go—Fuck yes…”

“Dean…. I don’t want to hurt you.  Please tell me to stop if I do.”

Cas didn’t sound like the confident angel he had been the past…however long it had been.  It felt like hours.  He sounded scared and Dean hated it. 

Dean took a deep breath to steady his thoughts, a task that was impossible from the alcohol and desire dancing in his brain.

“Cas I have never been so sure about anything.  I trust you…with my life, you won’t hurt me.”

Cas didn’t respond, but Dean heard a familiar click and his arms came loose as one of the cuffs came undone.  He braced his arms against the bed and slowly turned his head.  He rolled his shoulders as he raised himself to his knees, feeling the tension in his muscles ease.  Dean turned his head and glanced at the angel.  What he saw made him wish he had a camera. 

Cas was kneeling, sleek muscles undulated under his tanned skin as he held himself up and worked the lube over his length.  Determined blue eyes met hazy green and Dean knew this was it.  Dean audibly gulped.

The angel moved in behind Dean, giving a kiss to the hunter’s shoulder.  Dean sighed and let his heavy lids close.  Cas kissed his way up Deans neck as he splayed his hand along the hunter’s stomach.  The angels other hand gently gripped Deans jaw and turned his head.  Needy self-reassurance had their lips meet in a crushing kiss.  His tongue swirled with Cas’ as Dean was slowly bent over, Cas’ hand balancing Deans weight.  Dean could feel the bare, hard, heat of Cas and his heart tried to beat out of his chest as the angel peppered his back with soft kisses.

Cas kneeled up and placed a hand on Deans hip.

“Spread your knees for me a bit more.  Ass down.”  Cas murmured moving his hand from his hip to press down on Deans lower back, rubbing gentle circles against his skin.

Dean complied, but stopped breathing as he felt the fat head of Cas’ cock line up with his entrance.  Dean pushed his forehead into the sheets and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.  Despite his begging, he wasn’t expecting to be this nervous.

“Re--Relax Dean.” Cas stuttered as he tried to push in. 

Dean inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, willing his body to go lax.  Dean gasped when the head of Cas’ cock pushed past his rim.  Cas gripped Deans hips so tightly he would expect bruises tomorrow.  “Just like that Dean…perfect” Cas grunted.

Dean breathed harshly as inch by agonizing inch slid into him.  Cas was right, he was bigger, especially thicker, than his toys.  He was now very thankful that Cas ignored his request to prep him in a hurry.  The burn was exquisite and Dean pushed back.

Both men released a guttural moan as Cas buried himself fully inside Dean.  Cas stilled and Dean gave an experimental squeeze causing Cas to gasp. 

_So full…_

Dean whimpered.

“Dean, please tell me I can move.  I can’t…so tight.”  Cas rasped as he trembled with the effort it took to hold still.

“Oh please, please move.” Dean said breathily.

Cas withdrew to the tip of his length, gruelingly slow and pushed back in with the same pace. Cas moaned as he bottomed out a second time.  With each tantalizing, leisurely thrust the aching pleasure built in Deans body.

“More Cas…faster.” Dean breathed.

Denying Dean nothing, Cas sped up his thrusts.  Dean released a strangled groan at the new momentum.  Dean gripped the sheets as Cas hips snapped against Dean in a rapid pace.  The sound of wet skin slapping together was obscene and almost drowned out the heavy panting from Cas and the wanton pleas dripping from Deans mouth. 

The sensations running through Deans body were both too much and not enough.  Fire and ice made love on their own along Deans skin causing sweat to bead across his body.  Dean rocked his ass back against Cas as the angel snapped his hips forward, searching for more. 

“Dean…yes…”  Cas growled.  His gravelly, sinful voice made Dean shiver.

Cas leaned forward and dug his fingers into Deans shoulders and gave a brutal thrust into the hunter below him.  All the air left Deans lungs as electricity spread to his cock and licked up Deans spine. Dean sucked in a ragged breath.

“Right there Cas!  Please don’t stop!”  Dean pleaded.

Cas slowed down the pace, each savage thrust of Cas’ hips were punctuated by Deans guttural cries of pleasure.  Each thrust was full of desperation, fear, longing, relief.  Each slam of his hips into Dean seemed to scream ‘finally’.  Dean wanted to cry from the overwhelming feeling.  Wave after wave of aching pleasure had chased him higher and higher.  Dean was trembling, barely able to hold himself up, as he approached the precipice.  No matter how perfect Cas felt inside him, no matter how much Dean clenched around him, no matter how hard Dean pushed back, no matter how much Dean begged, he could not make that final leap.

“Dean…I don’t know…how much longer…”  Cas choked out.

Dean let out a frustrated sob.  “Cas I can’t…”

Dean ached, his body begging for release.  He lowered himself into his elbows, shaking arms no longer able to support him.  Cas followed, draping his body over Deans back and nuzzling his face into Deans neck.  Cas left wet kisses along Deans shoulder as he wrapped his arm around Deans chest.  Cas’ other arm slid from his hip to his stomach.  Dean pushed his hips forward, chasing the searing touch of Cas’ hand as Cas rocked against Dean, grunting with teeth clenched.

“please, please, please…” Dean prayed out loud, with a thrust of his own hips. 

Cas paused.

“Shhh, Dean, I’m sorry.  I’ve got you.” Cas whispered against Deans sweat damp neck. 

Cas drove into Dean with a renewed fervor, punching an agonizing cry from Dean.  Torture, that is what this was.  Dean was drowning, letting his mind dislocate itself from his body.  He gave himself completely over to sensation.  His body was on fire, tingling, and tight.  The sizzling friction and gut wrenching pleasure of Cas plunging deeper and deeper into his body left Dean in a state of suspended ecstasy that Dean couldn’t maintain for fear of going mad. 

Cas started to bite and nibble Deans shoulder, and just when Dean didn’t think he could take anymore.  Cas wrapped a calloused hand around his cock and stroked.

“Come now Dean.” Cas ordered breathily.

Dean harshly sucked in air as the waves of aching pressure took him higher, finally jumping over the edge. Deans already tight body went rigid, as he clamped down on Cas’ cock. White hot fire exploded inside of him, running up his cock in waves of mind numbing pleasure.  He screamed as Cas shattered him, wringing every drop of come from his throbbing cock.

“Oh God…”  Cas groaned as his hips stuttered and stilled, punching one last rough thrust into Deans impossibly tight heat.  Cas panted, hips twitching, as he emptied himself inside of Dean.  

Dean collapsed onto the bed.  Cas fell with him, catching himself on his hands so he wouldn’t crush Dean with his weight.  Dean lay there panting, Cas a steady presence at his back.  His mind was hazy, his body heavy and he was happy.  He was happy.  A smile slowly curled on his lips, and he had the sudden urge to chuckle.  Or cry.  He wasn’t sure which he was going to do yet. 

Cas slowly pulled out and Dean whined at the loss.  The angel rolled onto his side and tried his best to pull Dean closer.  With every ounce of strength left in his body Dean rolled into Cas, burying his face in the angel’s chest.  He tossed his arms over Cas’ waist and Cas ran his fingers through his damp short hair.  He inhaled the spicy, hot scent of Cas, pushing Dean even further under the surface of the water he had been drowning in since Cas chased after him into his room.  His eyes were so heavy…The room was tilting…It was so warm…Cas was safe…Cas was home…Is this what love felt like? He wanted to stay like this forever.  This was his heaven.  He didn’t want to wake up.  Wake up…

_No…not yet…._

“Cas, please…I don’t want to wake up.  Don’t let me wake up….”  Dean slurred as he submitted to the black caress of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a lot of stuff that will be addressed in the next and last chapter that will answer questions you probably have that weren't addressed because of a lack of Cas pov. Either way, this was the first real sex scene I have ever written. I wrote one in high school but my boyfriend at the time made fun of it, so.....yea. I kinda avoided writing for a long time since then. I hope you liked it, worked really hard on it. XD 
> 
> Tried to make it as realistic as possible without taking any of the fantasy out of it. If I make it too realistic then it would just be gross, and awkward to read. XD Also, full disclaimer, I made the 'bdsm' inaccurate/newbish/awkward for a reason. They were experimenting with it, Dean was drunk, I was just trying to make it realistic. They aren't gonna be experts, or be perfect at it. So I tried to make it weird on purpose. I hope that is the way it came off. If not, please give me suggestions on how I could write it better. I'm a comment whore. They are my wheaties.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! It is done! Short and sweet! Sort of. It took way longer to write this than I though. *shrugs* Lessons learned.
> 
> Quick warning for Dean hating himself a lot. Doesn't last long though. It gets so fluffy and sweet I got uncomfortable writing it.

 

The bunker was silent save for the soft taps of his bare feet on the tile of the hallway.  He had no strength left in his body.  He felt like a zombie.  His mind, clear of alcohol, was still muddled by the million outcomes of coming face to face with Cas.  He was starting to feel nauseous again, but not because of booze. 

He reached his door and opened it.  He walked in and regarded his room with a grimace.  The evidence of his crime was littered all over his room.  The sheets were rumpled and tangled beyond their usual state.  His bedside drawer had been left open and a purple bottle was left out.  Cas’ blue tie hung in shreds from the headboard and Deans crumpled clothes lay across the floor.  He closed the door softly behind him, not wanting to draw any attention to himself.  He walked over to the open drawer and rifled through it until he found the small silver key.  He held his wrist up and with a click the handcuffs fell away to the ground.  He stared at the cuffs on the floor and sneered.  He picked them up and regardless of their actual weight, to him, they weighed a ton. 

“FUCK!”  He shouted throwing the cold metal across the room.

There had been many times when Dean felt less than stellar about himself, but what he had done to Cas…what he made Cas do to him…. The depraved shit he had an Angel of the Lord do…. Dean Winchester hated himself.  He slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to hold back the acid rising in his throat. 

Dean took a steadying breath and pulled away the towel around his waist.  He walked over to his drawers and pulled out a clean pair of underwear, some sweats and a tee-shirt.  He put them on quickly, covering the marks he knew were on his body.  Dean wanted to be able to stand in front of the mirror and bask in the satisfaction that Cas put them there.  That he belonged to Cas.  That feeling, however, will only be a fantasy, just like everything else.  If he looked at the marks that Cas left, he would just get sick.

Dean ripped the bedding off the mattress and threw the stained fabric into a corner of the room.  He walked to his closet and pulled a new sheet off the top shelf.  He was tucking in the last corner when there was a soft knock at the door. 

Dean froze.  He white knuckled the corner of the mattress and although he had his back turned to the door, he knew it had opened.  His outburst earlier must have alerted every one of his conscious state.  He squeezed his eyes shut, vainly willing the situation away, when he heard the soft snick of the door closing. 

“Dean?” The familiar deep gravelly voice of the man he had fallen in love with questioned behind him.

Dean didn’t move, he just couldn’t.  Fear had paralyzed him.

“Good morning Sunshine.  Did you get my note?”  Cas asked, sounding eerily human. 

_Sunshine? What the fuck?  What note?  Why isn’t he smiting me?_

Curiosity, overriding his fear, had him turn to the angel.  Although curiosity won, fear and disgust must still be etched into every weary line, pore, and freckle on his face.

Dean turned and saw the same brilliant smile Cas wore last night during the festivities. 

_He isn’t pissed? He should be disgusted with me.  He just doesn’t know any better, and that makes it fucking worse._

That beautiful smile waned as he regarded Dean.  Concern replaced the happiness that Cas had brought with him.  He approached Dean with an outstretched arm, beckoning him into a hug.

Dean flinched back against the wall and Cas halted his approach.  Hurt flashed across the angel’s face.  That was what Dean was expecting initially, but now he felt like even more of an ass for ruining Cas’ good mood.

“Dean…I don’t understand.  Are you ok?  Did I do something wrong?”  Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean reclined his head against the wall and shut his eyes with a sigh.

“Of course not Cas.  You are perfect, you did nothing wrong.”  Dean forced a fake smile at Cas.  He needed to do this with as much detached sincerity as he could.  He didn’t need his self-hatred or anger to be taken out on Cas.  He didn’t do this.

Cas seemed to relax while Dean continued.

“It wasn’t you that did something wrong, it was me.”

“I don’t understand.  Dean you were---“

“Stop!” Dean shouted.  So much for keeping his emotions in check.  Cas blanched at the outburst, taking another step back.  Dean grimaced inwardly, and forced the next words to be spoken softly.

“Cas I’m so sorry.” Dean said to the floor.  It was almost a whisper.

“I’m so sorry.” He said a little louder.  A vice was tightening his chest and it was working its way up to his throat.

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracked.

“So, sorry.”  His knees gave out and he slid down the wall.  Dean hid his face in his hands. 

“Dean…” Cas sound shocked.  “What could you possibly be sorry for?”  The angel sounded legitimately curious, and that just pissed Dean off.  He snapped his head up and glared at Cas.  The angel stood there looking dejected. 

_He didn’t deserve this but how could he be so blind?_

“What could I be sorry for?”  Dean asked incredulously.  “Cas I’m tainted!”  Dean shouted.  Anger was starting to overtake the grief that had paralyzed him just moments ago.  Dean gripped the bed and pushed himself up to stand.

“Take your shirt off.” Dean deadpanned.

“I think that would be inappropriate.  You seem confli—“ Cas tried to argue.

“Take it off!” Dean screamed.

Silently Cas unbuttoned his white dress shirt.  He gazed at the floor, thin lipped and brows knitted together in concentration, or anger, or confusion; Perhaps all three. The last button was popped open, but Cas refused to take the shirt of completely.  Eyes not lifting to look at Dean, he lowered his arms to the side and stood under the hunters scrutinizing stare.

“Jesus Christ, Cas….”  Dean choked out.

Cas looked up at the pained sound in Deans voice.  Grief, defeat, disgust.  Those were the emotions waging war on Deans face.  Cas looked down at his chest and stomach and saw the purple marks Dean had left last night. 

“Cas I told you I was tainted.”

Dean held his hand up and motioned to Cas’ body.

“And now I’ve poisoned you.”

“Wait…Dean” Cas began and took a step forward.

“No!  Cas, everything I touch burns.  EVERYTHING!  You are an angel for Christs sakes!  You are pure and strong and good and I…. I just ruined everything.  I don’t deserve your friendship, let alone your touch.  You are a marked man Cas!  I have marked you for Death.  It is inevitable!  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE I am close too ends up in a fucking ditch.  Cas, I can’t see that happen to you..." Dean trailed off, shoulders sagging.

Dean assumed Cas would look broken at the announcement of his imminent death.  Instead fury radiated off Cas in waves.

Dean would normally be intimidated, but he had his own boiling anger to deal with.

“There it is, finally!” Dean scoffed throwing his hands up.  “I’d be pissed too if I had found out an urchin from hell had touched me.  I mean come _on_ Cas!  What kind of depraved shit did I do to you?  I woke up with fucking handcuffs and you have marks ALL OVER YOU!  Who would do that to an angel!?  I’ll tell ya who, a tainted piece of shit is who. Me.” 

Neither man spoke.  A tangible fog of anger permeated the space between them.

“So, please.  Just smite me and get it over with.  It is what I deserve.”  Dean sighed, allowing exhaustion take over. 

Feelings fucking suck.

Cas fumed quietly. “You stupid, stupid man…” 

Dean didn’t really know what to expect.  He had seen a myriad of reactions from Cas in the past, but it was still a surprise to feel the jarring pain of Cas’ right hook against his jaw.

Dean grunted and his head bounced off the wall from the force of the punch.  He hit the floor for a second time. 

_Fuck that hurt!_

He gripped his jaw as it throbbed along with the growing knot on the back of his head.  He looked up, waiting for the second hit but Cas was gone.  He straitened his posture to look over the bed to the other side of the room, but Cas wasn’t there.  He moved his jaw back and forth to make sure it wasn’t broken. 

He struggled to get up, but when he did he dropped himself on the edge of the bed and hung his head.  He deserved much worse than a punch to the face, but he supposed Cas leaving for good and having to live with the pain of what he did was a fitting punishment.

Just when he resigned himself to a life without Cas, the telltale flutter of wings sounded by the door.

Dean startled and turned.  He attempted to speak but Cas held his hand up.

“You will let me speak and you will not interrupt unless I ask you a question.  Do you understand?”  The domineering tone in Cas’ voice sent a familiar shiver through him and he nodded, no fight left in him.

“To answer your immediate question, I went to retrieve this.”  Cas held up a piece of paper.

“Am I correct in assuming that you do not remember anything from last night?” Cas’ voice was neutral and steady.

Dean nodded.

“What is the last thing you remember?”

“Playing pool.” Dean answered honestly.

Cas sighed and shook his head.

“You are not tainted Dean.  You drink too much, but you are the complete opposite actually.”  Dean turned his head away from Cas.

“Look at me when I speak to you.” Cas growled.

Wide eyed, Dean slowly turned his head.

_What is with Mr. Bossy?_

“My tone won’t be surprising shortly.”  Cas answered Deans silent question.

Dean raised a speculative eye brow, but Cas ignored it and continued.

“The way you spoke about yourself is unacceptable, and I don’t ever want to hear it again.  It was painful and infuriating to listen to.”  Cas’ tone remained neutral and detached, but Dean could hear the underlining anger.

Dean felt like a petulant child being scolded.  He had, for once in his life, he had opened up and he is getting chastised for it. 

_This is why he didn’t do feelings._

“None, of what you said was true at all!  It saddens me greatly to know you think of yourself that way and that you think that way of me.”

Dean opened his mouth to argue but the look Cas gave him froze the words on his tongue.  It was a challenging look.  His eyes said “I dare you.”

“Despite how difficult it was to pull you from hell your soul stood out among the black hatred and pain that suffocated everything around it.  It was beautiful Dean.  You are beautiful, and perfect and I would do it all over again.”  Cas’ tone softened and it was killing Dean to listen to this.

“You voluntarily went to Hell for your brother.  You made the ultimate sacrifice for him, and were FORCED TO suffer greatly while you were there.  You are not an urchin, or tainted, or any other degrading descriptor you want to use regarding yourself.”

Cas walked over to Dean and he stared at his knees, refusing to look up regardless of Cas’ demands.  Cas squatted in front of Dean.  They became eye level and forced Dean to look in the crystal blue eyes of his guardian angel.

“You live a very difficult and challenging life.  Loss is something that is common in your line of work. The pain from those losses are overwhelming and so you keep yourself closed off.  The same can be said for any hunter Dean.  Being a hunter doesn’t make you cursed and it doesn’t make me marked.  You do a selfless job and you deserve to be happy.  You may speak.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Cas…the things I did…I can’t lose you.  I just can’t.”

Dean wanted to say more, wanted to fight the excuses Cas was giving him.  He was just at such a loss for what to say.  Dean wasn’t expecting this reaction and he didn’t know what to do with it.  Cas was supposed to be angry, not supporting him.  Not trying to make whatever they had acceptable.  He wanted, more than anything to be with Cas.  He was just so scared.  There were too many ‘what ifs’.  Dean was always comfortable with ‘what ifs’.  He was always able to overcome them, but he didn’t want to risk any ‘what ifs’ with Cas. 

“Dean I don’t care what you DID.  Anything you did was for protecting the people you love or yourself.  I don’t blame you for any of that, I would have done the same.  We all have regrets, but we have to look to the future, and Dean you are my future.”  Cas said tenderly as he ran his hand through Deans hair.

“But, last night, what I did to you…” Dean shook his head, looking away from Cas.

Cas chuckled, which had Dean snapping his head back to Cas just as two fingers pressed into his forehead.

In an instant the fog cleared and last night replayed clearly in his mind.  It was like watching a movie.  Only, this movie ended in a porn and the porn stared Cas and himself.  He smiled at their nervousness.  He grimaced in embarrassment at his attempt to be sexy.  He laughed at his clumsiness.    Raised an eyebrow at Cas’ dominance.  He shivered with lust at seeing Cas manhandle him.  He swallowed a groan as he saw Cas fuck him.  So many emotions washed through him.  Embarrassment, nervousness, concern, desperation, lust…. love.  Out of all the emotions he saw in himself and Cas, none of them were disgust, anger, or fear.  Neither forced themselves on one another.  Instead, they had consumed each other with a passion Dean had never felt before.  Cas had been completely on board, and then some.  Everything he had convinced himself of was wrong.  Relief rushed through him.

“Does that help clarify?” Cas asked, worry still on his face.

“Yea, Cas…  I’m sorry.  I’m just….still…” Dean rubbed the back of his neck.  He already felt raw and couldn't say it.

“I am not without trepidation either Dean.  This is all new and we live dangerous lives, but we deserve happiness.  You make me very happy.”

Dean smiled shyly.  “Yea Cas, umm I umm, feel the same.”  Dean looked up at Cas.  Sincerity was all Dean saw.  It was calming, and Dean could breathe normally for the first time since that morning but he still felt like an ass that he and Cas couldn’t consummate their relationship in a less awkward way.  It was hot, no doubting that, but guilt still nagged at him.  He still felt like he did some very inappropriate things with an angel.  Fantasies were one thing, doing them was completely different.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t have…um…had sex better…”  Dean stuttered. 

_Fuck, talking to him was easier when our emotional shit was stowed._

“I’m not.” Cas said plainly.

_How is he so damn accepting?_

“The uh, the tie thing didn’t bother you?  I mean…you seem to have some, um, similar interests, but I was really, really, stupidly drunk Cas.  I wish I could have been sober.  It should have been all romantic and shit.”

Dean had found an interesting scuff on the wall to concentrate on.  Maybe he needed some of that liquid courage for this conversation. 

Cas sighed.  Dean could tell Cas was getting frustrated dealing with Deans insecurities.

“Dean, I am not the first angel to engage in a relationship with a human, sexual or not.  I have been alive for a very long time.  I have had ample opportunities to watch humans, and the many different types of sexual activates they engage in.  I enjoyed last night more than I am able to verbally describe, although I would never be opposed to “doing it all romantic and shit.” Cas quoted Dean back to himself. 

Cas turned Dean’s head to face him.

“As far as the alcohol is concerned, that was for you to deal with this morning.  I don’t think last night would have happened without it.  So, If I could, I would thank it but seeing as it is a combination of lactones and phenolic compounds, I cannot.”

Dean chuckled.  “yup, I dealt with it all right…”

“Here.” Cas said handing him the note.  “I wish you would have read this after you took the pills.  Perhaps you would have been more comfortable.”

Dean took the note and stared dumbly at Cas.  “Wait…YOU did all that this morning?”  Warmth spread through Deans chest at the thoughtful actions.

“Yes, you seemed to be in pain and sick.  Sam told me to let you “work through your hangover.”  Cas air quoted.  “So, I took care of you as a human would.”

_Sam…. That stupid bastard. I’m gonna kill him._

“Thanks Cas, although, a little mojo wouldn’t have been rejected.”  Dean laughed.

He turned his attention the water stained, crumpled paper in his hand and started reading the sloppy script.

 

**_Dean, I am sorry for my absence this morning.  I went out to gather ingredients for a greasy breakfast.  Sam told me saturated fats are good for your condition.  While I prepare, please take these pills. I seemed to have lost the key last night, but discovered it this morning.  You fell asleep on it.  I did not want to wake you but you will find the key back in its drawer.  You seemed to be rather upset last night before falling asleep.  I hope that is not the case this morning.  Last night made me very happy, and I would like to be with you in that capacity in the future if that is amenable to you.  Take time to rest and recover._ **

**_\---Castiel_ **

****

_Wow_

Dean looked up at Cas, and felt an overwhelming amount of love for this man.  It was just a stupid note, and Cas had already explained himself and convinced Dean to get his head out of ass.  But this little note, if he had JUST read it in the bathroom, was full of kindness.  Cas cares, Dean wasn’t just a dirty fuck, or a fantasy come to life.  This stupid little note shows that Cas gives a shit.  He has always given a shit.

Dean launched himself off the bed and into Cas’ arms.  Cas caught him in a hug and they both seemed to relax after a morning full of tension and lingering questions.  Dean took a steadying breath and sunk further into the warmth of Cas’ body. 

“Dean…are you ok?” Cas asked concerned.

Dean pulled back and gave Cas a real smile.  Cas must have sensed its legitimacy because in return, Dean received one.

“Yea Cas, I’m much better than ok.”  Dean placed his hand on Cas’ cheek.  The angel closed his eyes and leaned into Deans hand.

“I love you Cas.” Dean whispered.

Cas’ eyes popped open and he gripped the hand on his cheek tightly.

“Do you mean that?” Cas asked with hope in his eyes.

“With everything I am.”  Dean smiled and softly rubbed his thumb against the rough stubble of Cas’ cheek.

Cas’ face lit up with a smile so bright Dean should have gone blind. 

“I love you as well Dean, and I always will.”  Cas held Deans free hand the men chuckled lightly.

“See, feelings aren’t so bad.” Cas prodded.

“How would you know? You just started having them!”  Dean faked outrage.

“False.  I only just started expressing them.”  Cas said, leaning up and giving Dean a sweet peck on the lips. “It is your fault you know.”

“What is?” Dean returned, before giving a kiss back.

“It is your fault I have feelings.” Cas let go of Deans hands and wrapped them around the hunter’s neck as he responded.

Dean winked.  “Can’t say that I am sorry then.”

Both men snickered softly.

Quiet filled the room, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.  Warmth settled in his chest and he was so content in Cas’ presence that he didn’t mind Cas staring as he usually does.  Cas’ lips were a magnet and the air was heavy with anticipation again.

Dean pressed his lips against the angels in a petal soft kiss as he wrapped his arms around the angel’s waist.  Both men were flush against each other, enjoying the heat from their bodies and feeling safe holding each other.  No matter what hell they had to face outside of the bunker, they could savor their connection in the sanctuary they created for themselves.

Cas parted his lips, granting Dean access, as they breathed each others air.  Dean gently ran his tongue along Cas’ lips before slipping it inside, tasting Cas, it seemed, for the first time.  Instead of the battle it was the night before, this time their tongues and lips gracefully danced with each other. 

Cas pulled away gently and put his lips to Deans ear.

“Make love to me Dean.”

Dean was only shocked for a second, realizing what Cas was asking him.  However, he did ask for this himself earlier.  This is how they should have done it the first time.  Dean answered with a smile and a kiss that made Cas’ toes curl. 

Dean started pushing Cas’ open shirt off his shoulders and walked them the few steps to the bed.  Cas bared his neck as Dean lavished his skin with chaste kisses.  Cas’ legs hit the edge of the mattress, making him pull away from Dean.  Dean slowly helped lower Cas to the bed, their eyes never leaving each other.  Cas leaned back as Dean unbuckled the angels belt, and rid him of his slacks and boxers. 

Cas gave Dean a sly smile as he shimmied up the bed. Dean laughed and bobbed his eyebrows as he discarded his own shirt, pants and underwear.  Cas leaned against the headboard as he did last night.  Only today he was smiling.  It was a much better look than the nervous expression that graced his face last night.  Dean crawled after Cas, no predatory or kinky intent was present.  This time it was simply the desire to physically manifest their feelings for each other. 

Their lips crashed together as Dean straddled Cas’ hips.  Cas ran his hands all over Deans back as the hunter touched every inch of skin he could get his hands on.  Dean felt like a starved man eating for the first time as his hands brushed over hard muscle and soft skin.  Neither of the men could just enjoy each others bodies last night.  They had been too consumed by raw lust and alcohol.

Dean was drowning again as he felt Cas push his hips up.  It wasn’t a suffocating feeling as it was before, no, this was a blanket of warmth that made his chest ache.  The only thing that eased that ache was to touch and kiss more of Cas.  He gripped the nape of Cas’ neck and moved along with Cas.  Both men gasped as their hard lengths brushed together.  Dean placed his hand on Cas’ shoulder, the other behind him as he leaned back.  He allowed the angle to let him press harder into Cas.  He needed to be closer.  Dean let his head fall back with a deep groan as Cas closed his fist around both of their cocks. 

“Dean…” Cas purred as he thrust into his own hand.

Their rhythm was slow and controlled.  Dean was getting lost in the ebb and flow of pleasure with each stroke from Cas’ hand, and flex of their hips.   A sheen of sweat glistened on their skin and soft moans filled the room. 

“Cas…wait…” Dean panted and put his hand on Cas’ chest.  Cas stilled and looked up at Dean.

Dean brought his right leg to the inside of Cas’ left thigh and did the same with his left leg.   Dean gripped Cas’ hips as he kneeled in-between his thighs.  Dean pulled Cas’ hips forward, causing him to sink into the bed and his ass to settle on Deans knees.

“Whoa!” Cas chuckled.  Dean smiled and laughed back.  “Sorry.”

Dean reached over and grabbed the purple bottle from the bedside table.  He set the bottle next to him on the bed and gave Cas a heady kiss before moving down the angels body. 

“Put your legs on my shoulders.” Dean said giving a sweet kiss to the head of Cas’ cock.  The angel’s chest was flushed a beautiful shade of red that flowed its way upward and dusted his cheeks.  His chest was rising and falling with heavy, but steady breathing and his eyes were hooded with passion and need.  Cas took Deans breath away.

Dean felt the weight of Cas thick thighs on his shoulders and that was his que.  Without breaking eye contact, Dean took Cas’ hot, thick length in his mouth.  Cas’ mouth slowly dropped open with a guttural moan, his brows knitted together to keep is eyes on Dean.

God Cas felt perfect on his tongue.  He was silky, scalding, and rock hard for Dean.  As much as he wanted to see the bliss on Cas’ face, the angle was awkward.  Dean closed his eyes and got lost in the taste, feel and heady scent of Cas as he bobbed his head.

Dean felt Cas’ tentative hands on his head.  Dean balanced on one arm as he used the other to confidently push Cas’ hand into his hair.  Regaining balance, he grabbed the bottle and squirted a dollop of its contents on his finger.  He spread the contents along his opening and he felt Cas’ grip tighten. 

Dean pulled his head up and hollowed his cheeks with suction as he pushed a finger into Cas.  He could feel Cas’ tense around his single finger.  He pulled off his cock and looked up at Cas.  His head was down, teeth gritted and eyes were closed.

“Cas, are you ok?” Dean asked softly.

Cas opened his eyes and clenched around Deans finger.  Dean slowly pushed his finger up to the knuckle. 

“It feels strange.” Cas grunted.

Dean just realized this was Cas’ first time.

_Fuck…. it’s ok, I can make this good for him._

Dean put on his best smile.  “That is normal, your body should adjust, if it doesn’t let me know and I’ll stop.  Ok?”

Dean pulled his finger back to the tip and slowly pushed back in, meeting less resistance this time.

“Just relax for me…”

Cas exhaled deeply.

“Perfect.”

Dean wrapped his lips around Cas’ length and continued to suckle and bounce his head while he moved his finger in and out of the angel.  Cas was a panting mess above Dean, and the hold on his hair unrelenting.

Dean added a little more lube and started to press a second finger into Cas.  With a silent pop, Cas swallowed the second finger.  Dean heard Cas hiss and tense again.  He stilled his hand and waited for a beat.

Dean felt Cas’ hand pull at his hair gently.  Dean continued to moved his two fingers as he did the one and felt less resistance with each thrust of his fingers.  Soft whimpers fell on Deans ears like the most beautiful song he had ever heard.  Dean hooked his fingers and pressed up without ceasing the movement of his hand.  Cas gasped and grabbed the headboard with his free hand.  The headboard creaked loudly under the pressure of Cas’ grip.  Dean slipped a third finger next to the two while Cas trembled and pushed his hips up, forcing his cock deeper into Deans mouth.  Dean couldn’t hold Cas down this time, so he relaxed his throat and let Cas use his mouth as he rode the pleasure Deans fingers were giving him.

“Dean…I need to feel you….” Cas rasped out in between ragged breaths.

Dean groaned around Cas’ cock hearing the breathless summons above him.  He removed his fingers and Deans cock throbbed as Cas’ hole fluttered around emptiness.  He needed to feel Cas around him, like yesterday.  He pushed himself up so he could kneel and squeezed one last dollop into his hand.  Dean licked his swollen lips and bit back a moan as he spread the lube over his own painfully hard cock.

Satisfied with coverage, he placed both hands on either side of Cas’ head.  Dean lowered himself slowly, allowing Cas to wrap his legs around Deans waist. 

“Are you ready?” Dean asked sweetly.

“I’ve been waiting for too long.”  Cas said, smiling back.

Balancing on one arm Dean gripped his cock and lined it up with Cas’ hole, both men’s gazes never straying.  Dean nuzzled Cas’ cheek and breathed in the angel’s hot exhales as Dean pressed in.  He muffled Cas’ strangled cry with his lips as his head slipped past Cas’ ring.

As slowly as he could manage, he glided into the impossibly tight heat of Cas’ body.  Cas legs were a vice grip on his waist and his fingers dug into the flesh of Deans back.  With a final push, Dean bottomed out.

“Dean!” Cas’ gasped. 

Dean released a moan from deep within his chest at the feeling of Cas surrounding him completely.  Wrapped in Cas’ arms and legs, and buried inside of him, Dean was on a different plane of existence.  The spicy hot scent of Cas invaded his senses, making him dizzy with desire.  He felt the hard planes of Cas’ chest rise and fall against him as Cas sucked in air.  He felt the soft tickle of Cas’ lips on his shoulder as the angel peppered him with kisses.  There was nothing but the two of them.  They were absorbed in their own bubble of heat and pleasure.  This had to be heaven.

“Cas I love you.” Dean said as his heart ached with more emotion than he could ever remember feeling. 

“I love you as well.” Cas purred as he kissed Dean’s cheek. “But I need you to move.”

Dean placed his left arm under Cas’ shoulder and wrapped his other arm around his angel’s head.  He buried his face into Cas neck as he pulled back slowly.  Cas encouraged him forward with his hands roaming down his back to Deans ass.  Cas kneaded the swell of his bottom and pulled Dean back into him.

“More Dean.” Cas moaned into his ear.

Eager to please, Dean quickly thrust into the man below him.  Cas choked out another desperate cry spurring on Dean’s new pace. 

Dean grunted into Cas' neck as he flexed his hips with new purpose.  Punched out groans and high pitched pleas spilled off Cas’ lips as the angel scraped his nails down Deans back.  Those beautiful sounds coming from his angel were addicting.  He was causing those sounds and he needed to hear more.

Sparks of fire ran along his cock and spread through his abdomen with each thrust.  Cas’ velvet heat was hugging his cock so perfectly, he wasn’t going to last.  Removing his arm from around Cas’ head, Dean brought his hand between them and took hold of Cas’ leaking cock.

“Oh Dean…yes…. just like that!” Cas keened beneath him.

Dean licked and sucked the salty skin of Cas neck as he rocked into him.  He didn’t care about marks anymore.  The desire to touch, taste, thrust, all of it was consuming him.

“Cas… you feel so good…” Dean moaned through gritted teeth, trying to stave off his orgasm. Deans hand moved slowly along Cas’ length and matched the slow deep rocking of Deans body. 

Dean had slipped down the bed without support from his other hand that is now working Cas’ cock.  He pulled down on Cas’ shoulder while he pushed his knees up further for better leverage.

“Oh God!  Fuck!  Right there! Please, please don’t stop!” Cas begged wantonly.

Out of instinct Dean thrust harder, nailing Cas’ prostate with each pump of his hips.  Deans hand picked up speed and he was panting and grunting with exertion.  

“Oh, oh, oh Dean, don’t stop…. I’m…I’m coming!” Cas all but screamed as he clamped down onto Deans cock; his back arched off the bed, cock pulsing hot stripes of come over Deans hand and Cas’ chest.

The intense orgasm Dean just witness went straight to his cock.  The contracting, silky, molten vice around his cock, and Cas’ scream of pleasure were the proverbial straw.  A shot of lighting went through his gut as his balls pulled up close to his body.  Deans vision went white and a tight pulsating heat rippled through his body.

“Cas…. Cas…. Cas…” The name tumbled out of the hunter’s mouth frantically.   Dean’s hips jerked gracelessly as he emptied himself inside Cas.  Dean stilled as the last of his orgasm washed through him and collapsed onto the beautiful man below him. 

Still connected, both men’s lips met in a frenzied kiss full of love and ardent passion.  Cas held Deans face in his hands gave a final kiss to Deans puffy, slick lips.

“I had no idea…Dean....”  Cas breathlessly laughed as he gently coaxed Dean’s head to his rest on his chest. 

A relaxing tingle settled in Deans body as he smiled.  He listened to the speedy beat of Cas’ heart beneath his ear as his eyelids started to droop.

“It is because I love you.”  Dean whispered.

“Pardon?” Cas asked, petting Deans sweat damp hair.

Dean turned his head and gave a quick kiss to Cas chest.  He lifted his head to look at the man who had saved him from hell, from despair, and from himself.  Dean brushed the dark, matted hair away from Cas’ damp skin and sweetly kissed the tip of Cas’ nose.  They gazed at each other for a few moments, basking in the afterglow and enjoying soft touches.

“The reason it felt that way…intense…is because I love you.  Sex feels good, but…” Dean puffs out air and raises his eyebrows.  “For it too feel like that, you need a very special partner.” Dean winked at Cas before lowering his head back to the angel’s chest.  “That went beyond physical Cas…I felt you…”  Dean trailed off, too embarrassed and exhausted to finish his sentence. 

“I understand Dean.”  Cas murmured.  “Get some sleep.  I’ll be here when you wake up.”  Cas ran his fingers through Deans hair and against his scalp.

“You owe me an apology or…. something.” Dean grumbled sleepily.

“Do I?” Cas asked curiously.

“Yea, you smacked me last night for saying God, but you said it twice.  Kinda hypocritical if you ask me.”  Dean chuckled and Cas’ hand stilled and became tense.  Dean laughed again. 

“Cas, chill, it is ok.  It is actually kinda hot when you swear, correctly I mean.  I’ll just owe you one.”

Cas resumed his petting.  “I look forward to it.”

“Happy New Year Cas.”

“Happy New Year Dean.”

                                                                                                       --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam tried really hard not to listen to what was going on.  He really did.  But, Jesus, they were both so damn loud.  Dean especially last night, and Cas today.  He had to get his headphones to keep that shit drowned out.  He was going to have to help them soundproof that room if this morning went as well as it sounded.  He should be more embarrassed but he was just so relieved his plan had worked.  Some people would call it meddling, Sam liked to think of it as assistance. It was getting exhausting watching those two.

Sam had had an inordinate amount of fun setting Dean up.  It wasn't that hard really, Dean set himself up, Sam just paid attention and pushed.    Dean thought Sam was much more drunk that he actually was.  They did have to be good actors in their jobs.  Sam just flipped the script on his brother. Cas had come to him this morning unsure about what to do with Dean passed out and hung the fuck over in the bathroom.  Sam laughed and told Cas not to use his mojo to immediately fix Dean.  This was harking back to their prank days and Sam was having too much fun.  Dean might be been pissed initially, but Sam was sure he will eventually thank him.  He was currently making breakfast to placate the rage beast that should be walking through the door soon.  The embarrassingly loud noises stopped about 2 hours ago.

Sam was buttering toast when he heard a door in the hallway close.  He heard Cas trying to convince Dean not to punch Sam in the face. Sam laughed and muttered to himself.

"He is gonna be really pissed when I tell him it was just sugar water and not an actual truth serum."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't to OOC. I tried STUPID hard to think of how Cas would react if he was legitimately happy and comfortable and this is what I came up with. I did put the Sunshine line in on purpose. Get it!? ha! If it was too OOC for some ppl I really apologize. I didn't do it on purpose.
> 
> If yall liked it please comment. I live for them.
> 
> Anyway, I have a tumblr. Come say and hi and stay for the porn. 
> 
> http://angerprobfemme.tumblr.com/


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